Beauty in Distress

Things you should NEVER say to a pregnant woman

2012-01-16T14:06:00.002-06:00

1. So you're due any day now, right?
2. When I respond with, "well I have 6 1/2 weeks or so left," you DEFINITELY should not widen your eyes and say OHHHhhhh.
3. Was it planned?
4. Are you having twins?
5. Make predictions about the gender based on the woman's size/shape... No No. It doesn't always work like that and you will probably say something that won't go over well.
6. Make comments about the fact that the woman chooses to birth a certain way. You don't know all of the details of why she came to the decision that she wants a drug free birth or a cesearean and quite frankly, it's not your business.
7. You look bigger today.
8. You're really packing on the weight with this one, huh?
9. Do you exercise? (Why is this your business?)
10. Ask her the same question or questions every time you see her? I guarantee she's already answered the "when are you due?" and " are you having a boy or girl" question 9 million times. Please write it down, look it up on facebook, or ask a mutual friend. 1-2 times asking is probably okay, but it's not necessary every time or every other time you see them.
11. Don't judge or give your input about a decision they've made unless they ask.

I know there are many more, but these are some of the ones that have gotten under my skin lately.

So...how can you have a conversation or be nice or cordial to a woman who is pregnant?

1. Pretend that they aren't pregnant. They are still the same person with the same basic needs they have always had... Treat them as such. Ask them how they are doing, if they have any plans for the weekend,...
2. Compliment them profusely. Tell them they look radiant and beautiful, that they don't look like they've gained a lot of weight. That you hope you look that good when you're pregnant.

The uninformed patient

2011-09-24T13:45:00.003-05:00

Two years ago, October 21st, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I truly enjoyed my pregnancy with her, the good, the bad, and the ugly. In some strange way, despite all of the "ugly" that happened during my labor and birth, I enjoyed it as well. The pain was excruciating, but it had a purpose. I was about to meet the most precious gift I had ever received.

Fast forward to today and I still hold onto a lot of the trauma that occurred during my labor and delivery. Some things happened that absolutely should not have happened. One of the midwives who did not know me from Adam acted like an OB instead of a midwife. She didn't seem to care what I wanted and didn't even bother introducing herself to me. It would take a very long blog and maybe even a chapter in a book to explain what all went wrong; the unprofessionalism, lack of knowledge, lack of care. But for right now, I need to get one thing off of my chest about the delivery.

I had a prenatal appointment for my current pregnancy a couple weeks ago. My midwife, one that I really respect and trust and have connected with the most, sat me down to talk about my last delivery and strong desire for a natural birth. She informed me that my firstborn had shoulder dystocia, meaning that her shoulder got stuck under my pubic bone and they were close to having to break her collar bone. This could have caused my child nerve damage, paralysis, or brain damage due to lack of oxygen from being constricted. It all happened so quickly that I had no idea her shoulder was that stuck. The midwife should have told me what had happened while I was in the hospital. I should have known for my own sake, but also to look out for any nerve damage/lack of movement in her arm. But I wasn't informed. My midwife, during the appointment, also needed to let me know that because it happened with my previous child, it is more likely to happen again.

I was heartbroken and I spent the most of the next week or so crying. This was my labor and delivery. This was my body. This was my child. I had the right to know what happened and that it might happen again. Instead I had to wait nearly two years to find out. It makes me sick to think that a medical professional would not take the time to tell her patient what had happened to her and her child.

Exposed

2011-06-21T14:25:00.002-05:00

Hi. My name is Danae and I am a perfectionist. I also have pride tied into my perfectionism which is not a very good thing.

Let me start by saying this...

My house is probably only clean clean 1za0% of the time. It's probably mostly clean 50% of the time. (Mostly clean meaning it would take less than an hour to straighten up the entire house.) The rest of the time it's messy.

I can't imagine anyone with a toddler can keep up with their house every day. Even though every single time I have been to a few people with young children's homes, they've been immaculate. They must have cleaning fairies or hire someone. I just don't think it's possible.

So a friend needed to pick up something from me today and I cringed at the thought of her seeing the piles of clothes or the random assortment of who-knows-what scattered across the floor from my toddler. I was just not feeling up to cleaning today after a busy day yesterday and she was at my house within 10 minutes.

I was exposed. Someone besides my husband and toddler saw my house in it's messy state. Once my friend was in the house, I was calm...but the parts leading up to it were incredibly scary for me.

I am not sure why I have this issue. I've always been the type of person who would tell people how I really am when they asked. I don't feel the need to hide emotions by saying "I'm great." If I say it, I probably mean it.

So why do I have this issue with people seeing that I can't always keep a clean house? I don't think anyone else really cares except me.

Apathetic

2011-06-15T18:41:00.002-05:00

If you know me at all or you have read my posts, you have probably figured out that I'm pretty high strung. I stress about pretty much everything and anything. And if I run out of things to stress about, I find something else. It's really quite awful and annoying. Lately, it's been worse than usual for no particular reason. Just ask my poor hubby who tries to tell me how ridiculous it is that I stress about the most minuscule things.

Today, for the first time in a long LONG time, I feel apathetic. I don't care that there is a laundry pile, half a couch wide stacked higher than the couch. I don't care that my lovely offspring has pulled apart the drawers in the bathroom or has found toys and has thrown them all over the living room. Or about the pile of styrofoam that used to be in the form of a cup when I gave my child popcorn yesterday. I don't really care that I haven't actually done dishes since yesterday or that it's already 7pm, and I haven't started dinner.

I'm not stressed for the first time in months. It's a beautiful thing.

Now if I could only bottle up this feeling and take a sip whenever I needed it. ;)

This mommy needs a break

2011-06-13T10:56:00.003-05:00

I don't want to sound ungrateful. I love my little girl. And she is usually a really good baby. However, monster child keeps appearing and I REALLY don't like it. You know that whiny, everything needs to go my way or I will throw a fit behavior? Yeah... about that. I've tried ignoring, simply telling her that it was bad behavior, raising my voice a little, and the hand smack. Nothing works. She doesn't care. And this sort of constant behavior is enough to make me want to seclude myself on an island for a few days. Or in my case, my bedroom. Or maybe even the bathroom.

Am I the only one who finds the bathroom peaceful? I feel like even if I can just get in there for a minute, I can have complete silence. I guess this is something I never understood until I had a baby. When you're pregnant, the bathroom is sort of a place of comfort; a place to relieve that early nausea, a place to sit and not feel back pain for a few moments. It's where we run every hour or so in the middle of the night to relieve the pressure on our bladder. And it's a place where we can light a candle, listen to music, and not feel pain or pressure as we soak in a tub full of steamy water. You don't really ever think about how much time you spend in the bathroom until after your pregnancy or like me, when you just need those 3 minutes to catch your breath.

My sister stayed with me for a little while and she thought it was insane that I liked being in the bathroom or that I would go there to escape. My hubby still does not understand. But I guess it's one of those things only I have to get.

Do you have a strange place you like to escape to for a few minutes or more? Am I the only one who finds the bathroom peaceful?

I'm in love

2011-06-11T16:21:00.001-05:00

CSA

2011-06-10T18:28:00.005-05:00

After years upon years of contemplating whether or not to join a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture), I decided it was time. Because of the price, we decided our best bet would be to split a full share with friends of ours.

Even though our farmer keeps telling us, it will get much better, I am SO happy with our decision to join. We are getting a variety of veggies that we eat often and a few that are different.

Can I just tell you that the taste of fresh veggies directly from the farmer is unlike anything I've experienced? I took some of the zucchini, summer squash, garlic scapes, and onion from this week's share, put them in a pan with a little olive oil, and let them do their thing. It didn't need anything else. The veggies were so flavorful and fresh. Mmmmm!

As for our garden...It is sadly filled with weeds that are taller than me; and I'm 5'9". My hubby and I agreed to go to town on it on Sunday. Since we're a part of the CSA, we've decided to only plant things I will can. So we will plant green beans, tomatoes, and cucumbers. I'm excited, but not looking forward to the weeding part.

Good week

2011-06-09T10:52:00.003-05:00

This week, overall, has been surprisingly good; aside from some major back pain and laziness earlier in the week. I found out some great and exciting news from one of my closest friends, and I hit a goal today that I had no idea I'd hit!

I have not been eating very well lately and my workouts have been thrown out the window. Between our trip to New York and then some major back pain, I haven't been able to do much of anything. It stinks, but that is just how it is right now.

So, I begrudgingly decided to step on the scale. And to my surprise, the number had dropped. In fact, I have reached 20 POUNDS of weight loss! I feel like I have reached the other side. I still want to lose about 16 more pounds, but I know now that I can do it! I'm over half way there! I have all the right tools and I know what I need to do to get there. I'm able to make realistic goals for myself and keep off the weight!

The working out and losing weight also offers up a good distraction for other things that are going on... like the changes I talked about in my last post. I don't think I look that much different, but I feel leaps and bounds better than I did before I started losing the extra weight. Yay!

Another reason this week has been so good is because we were able to make another good size payment on my student loans, and after sitting down and doing some calculations I realized that we will definitely be able to pay them off by the end of September. (barring some sort of large and unexpected expense) That's just 3 months away! 3 months until we will be DEBT FREE! (minus the mortgage which we look at as an investment and not debt)

I'm feeling much lighter these days. ;)

I thought I could handle change...

2011-06-02T18:00:00.003-05:00

I always thought I was one of those people who didn't have issues with change. I moved from New York to Tennessee without thinking twice. I've adapted to several moves and significant changes without a problem. But now, things are different.

There are so many changes happening at once, and I am baffled. My sister not only got married, but is moving to VA for grad school. My other sister is graduating high school. One of my friends is moving to California. My sister-in-law is getting married and moving within the year. Two of my cousins are getting married within the year. The dynamics of life in TN and visiting our hometowns are about to change drastically.

On top of that, my little girl is no longer a baby. She is a little girl. She has so much personality, is absorbing everything like crazy, and can have short conversations. I know this is just something I have to learn to get over because the older she gets, the less she will rely on her momma and dadda. But as much as I love the fact that she chooses to hug and kiss me and can answer my questions, I miss being everything to her.

The more I think about it, maybe the problem this time is not the change, but the fact that the change is out of my control. I could change pretty much any decision I've made, but I can't control or change what others do around me. Not that I'd want to... I guess I just have to accept that things are different and move on.

If only it were that easy for me.

Mixed Emotions...Sister getting married edition

2011-05-21T09:02:00.005-05:00

Today started out with cuddles from my sweet little E. What better way to start the day than cuddling your babe? Then I made some white whole wheat raspberry pancakes and we enjoyed them; E with her milk and me with my coffee.

I find myself avoiding the inevitable. My sister, whom I've only recently developed a really great friendship with, is getting married. I have to pack. I have to vacuum my car. I have to get ready. I have to go to Ohio and then on to New York. She IS getting married.

I shouldn't feel weird by this. Her and her fiance have been together as long as my husband and I. (A couple weeks longer according to my sister who doesn't let that slide.) Her future husband is a great guy and I'm so glad my sister has found her soulmate.

But despite all we have been through, how many fights we've had, and how many great memories we've made, she is still my sister. And my sister is about to make one of the biggest, best, most exciting, and scariest changes one can make.

Despite the weird feeling I have, I am thrilled for my sister and her fiance. I know they will make each other really happy and they've been looking forward to this day for a long time. I am so proud of my sister.

Silence is a beautiful thing

2011-05-16T16:11:00.002-05:00

It's 4pm. The house is [mostly] clean, including scrubbed toilets which I try to do as infrequently as possible. The dogs are [actually] calm and sleeping on the floor. The baby is in her crib silently snuggling her buddy, and my husband is at work.

And I... I am in an over-sized hoodie on our super comfy recliner, resting.

Life is good.

I'm only human

2011-05-04T10:37:00.003-05:00

There are days where I think being a female stinks. Days like today where my emotions are completely out of whack and I feel as though I have no control over them. I'm not a big crier by any means and I can't seem to make myself stop crying today. And honestly? I have absolutely no reason to cry. None. Whatsoever.

Stress has taken over my body and I feel helpless. I have been working so hard to get ahead because I knew this week would be a little overwhelming. I have kept up with my house, planted tomatoes in egg cartons, bathed my child, prepared all sorts of cake decorating stuff ahead of time, and yet I still feel as though I am three steps behind. The house... well it's a mess today. The yard hasn't been mowed in over 2 weeks due to the rain and us not being home/around/able to mow when it hasn't been raining. The garbage is overflowing and I can't exactly take the garbage to the dump when the garbage cans are full of water because the wind blew the lids off and the rain filled them. I hate putting nasty, muddy garbage cans in my new-to-me vehicle.

So there is all of that which really amounts to nothing if you think about it. And there is a LOT of positive. Like...

- I've lost 15 pounds and over 7 inches (probably over 10 now but haven't measured in a while)
- I've been happier and healthier
- God has really blessed us financially this month
- My sister is getting married in a few weeks
- My baby girl is...well... about as close to perfect as one can get
- I have a nice house, a newish vehicle, and a wonderful church
- I get to stay at home with my girl
- I have an awesome hubby

It's seriously time for me to snap out of it. :)

Easter and other news

2011-04-25T10:17:00.003-05:00

It was an interesting Easter, to say the least. Our plans were changed and we had to adjust. Instead of making a home cooked meal, we decided to eat out. It was very relaxing and enjoyable, and I didn't veer too far away from my calorie goals! Blessing in disguise!

We didn't go crazy on the Easter bunny/egg stuff this year. I want E to know that Jesus dying on the cross for our sins is THE reason we celebrate Easter. I don't want there to be any doubt. However, in celebrating I think it's okay to let her hunt for candy and other goody filled eggs.

It's funny how kids just have an instinct about that sort of thing. My 18 month old knew just what to do! There was no teaching, she just went for it! Her momma and dadda were proud!

In other words... I think her and her dadda managed to dodge the crazy 24 hour flu(ish) virus I had on Friday. It was awful and it would have been a nightmare for my little girl. And as absolutely terrible as it was it pushed me closer to my first weight goal. (Bear with me here because it was the ONLY positive to being that sick.) Hopefully I'll reach that goal in the next 1-2 weeks!

Here's a photo I captured of my girl playing outside with her basket...

Determination

2011-04-20T11:46:00.003-05:00

I have struggled with my weight for years. It's not that I've ever been incredibly overweight, but I never thought I looked thin enough. Now that I weigh more than I ever have, and look back at my old pictures, I realize just how small I was!

After having E, I went right back to my pre-pregnancy weight. However, I didn't watch what I ate because soon after she was born, we were into the holidays. Oops! Just because I was nursing and HUNGRY didn't mean I could eat whatever I wanted. I learned my lesson the hard way because not long after that I was on a medicine that made me gain even more weight.

At that time I was working out HARD and eating really well. No matter what I did I could not drop an ounce and instead found myself gaining. It made no sense until I got off the medicine and realized that was the cause of my problem.

At that point I was really frustrated with trying to lose weight. Nothing I did helped and I gave up. So I spent the better of 3 months eating what I wanted until I realized that if and when we decide to have another baby, I was already 16 pounds heavier than I was when I started with our first baby. Plus my sister was getting married soon and I didn't want my family and friends that I hadn't seen in a long time to see me the way I was. (Not that they would care, but I most certainly would!)

So I decided it was time to suck it up. I began doing research and asking a lot of questions to my husband and friends. I knew I needed a work out I could stick with and a diet plan that didn't make me feel like I was starving to death. I chose to do Jillian Michaels "30 Day Shred" and set my first goal for 30 days. It's only 20-25 minutes a day and I figured I could commit to that. I also began tracking everything I ate on "My Daily Plate" and following a diet plan. After about a week of the plan I realized that I didn't need a diet plan to lose weight. It's all about calories in versus calories out. I calculated EVERYTHING from the time I rested to that one bite of something I slipped in. I know that sounds anal, but I was/am so determined to get the weight off, that I felt as though I had to do that in order to lose it. The one week I tried to guess, I didn't get the results.

In under 3 weeks I had lost over 7 inches and 5 pounds. (Total from those 3 months when I would randomly try to lose a little I have lost 10 pounds!) As much as I want to drop 5 pounds a week, I know that I can keep the weight off and I am losing in a healthier way. I also know that by only losing 1-2 pounds a week, I'm losing fat and not muscle. It is so refreshing to see it coming off and not fluctuating! Once I hit a number, I haven't seen that number go back up! (Okay maybe throughout the day because water weight fluctuates but overall, it hasn't gone up!)

I'm 6 pounds away from my first goal and so pumped to see that number! Once I hit it, I will most definitely celebrate with ice cream! :) And hopefully by my sisters wedding at the end of May, I'll be 10 pounds lighter. ;)

I know it sounds like I'm obsessed with weight loss, and I'd probably agree, but I want to do this for my family. I want to have a good, healthy pregnancy and I don't want to keep my little girl from the beach because I won't wear a bathing suit. She is 18 months old and has yet to go swimming. :( I'm excited about the changes and looking forward to swimming with my little girl this summer and feeling comfortable in my bridesmaid dress!

Miracles still happen

2011-03-07T14:48:00.003-06:00

A couple weeks ago, I heard some really tough and also wonderful news. My aunt told me that my cousin was pregnant, but in the same sentence she uttered the words "breast cancer."

During her first major pregnancy checkup, the doctor noticed a lump in her breast. After testing, they found out that she not only had breast cancer, but it was rapidly progressing. To most, this would be terrible news. But as scared as my cousin was, she quickly realized that this baby saved her life. She never would have known that she had cancer if it wasn't for that checkup. I can't imagine being in her shoes, but her outlook astounds me and brings me to tears. She has a miracle baby growing inside her. I can only assume that her relationship with that child will be extra special.

My cousin has already had surgery to remove the lump and her lymph nodes where they also found cancer. It had spread, but there are no signs of any other cancerous cells. She will have to undergo chemotherapy while pregnant so please keep her in your prayers.

When your passion is also your fear

2010-10-29T09:58:00.004-05:00

I can't remember a day in my life where I haven't sang, even for just a few minutes. I sing in the car, shower, with E, while cleaning, while cooking,... It's just something I've always been passionate about. I definitely wouldn't consider myself a professional, but I am trained. I have had vocal lessons from several different instructors and have been a part of several music groups throughout my life.

I'm not sure what happened, but one day I stopped singing in public. Criticism came where I least expected it, I guess, and it blew my confidence. Fear set in and I just didn't think I could get sing in front of anyone anymore. The excuses came and were pretty much unlimited. And then God placed our family in an incredible church where people appreciate us and love on us on a daily basis. Not long after being in that church, I felt God working on my heart and in my life. I felt called to sing again, to use the talent God has given me.

Of course, I kept getting in the way and letting fear control me. I made excuse after excuse and had a constant battle in my mind. I'd convince myself that I shouldn't, go to church, and the preacher would be talking about something the Bible says that made me realize that I needed to get over this.

After wrestling for 10 months, I finally picked a song and practiced with the worship leader. I can't even begin to describe what that did for me, how it healed a part of me that I didn't realize was broken. That night the thoughts crept in again about how I couldn't do this and I would make a fool of myself, so I decided it was time. There is no more waiting. God is calling me to use my talent and I need to just suck it up and get over it. So I'm singing the special on Sunday and the worship leader is singing background vocals for me. Craziness.

I know that this is a little silly, but don't we all do this? Whether it's speaking up about an issue to a friend or stranger, using a talent that you forgot about, or reviving a part of you that has been subdued for a long time, we all have something that we've let slip away. Something that is important to us that no one else may understand. I challenge you to speak up, to use your talent, to be yourself, to do the thing that you know is necessary but fear has taken over. Today...This week. Not Tomorrow or Next Week.

October

2010-09-28T09:04:00.002-05:00

With the change of seasons, I am finally starting to feel like myself again for the first time since E was born. My energy is coming back alongside my motivation. It's a wonderful thing.

As we approach my baby's very first birthday, I can't help but look back on the past year and how much our lives have changed. It seems like we have known her forever; that she has always been a part of our lives. But it also feels like just yesterday I was in the hospital roaming the halls waiting for her to make her grand entrance.

October is a busy month. There will be painting, cleaning, organizing, a garage sale, fall festival, several cakes to make and decorate, pinata making, invitation making/sending, out of town guests, cooking, baking, diaper changing, chasing, playing, big birthday party, shopping, coupon clipping, speaking to youth, choir, church, doctor visits, and just plain loving on my family. I'm excited, but it is definitely a lot so I am trying to take one day at a time.

Baby Blues, New Goals, and 90 days

2010-08-22T20:47:00.003-05:00

Having a baby has really taken a toll on me. My energy is lacking, even 10 months after having her and a lot of the projects I have started around the house have gone by the wayside. So, for the next 60-90 days, I've set some goals for myself.

Ready or not, tomorrow my husband and I start 90 days of eating super healthy and working out for 1 1/2 hours a day. We both weigh more than we ever have (not including my pregnancy) and it is time for a change. I lost all of my pregnancy weight within a month of having E, but right after that month was the holidays and well, we all know what happens around the holidays.

It's funny how I always thought I was "fat" and looking back at pictures, I can now objectively see that I was tiny. What I wouldn't give to weigh what I did when I thought I was large.

Now I find myself in a place I never thought I would be. My goal is to lose 25 pounds. I know for some that sounds like a lot and for others, that's a small number, but I figure if I put it down on my blog where people can see it, that gives me more motivation and accountability to push myself.

Aside from numbers, I want to be and feel healthier. It's amazing how much energy I lost after having E. I honestly still have not gotten a lot of it back and it concerns me. I'm hoping that by eating a well balanced, healthier diet and exercising, I will start to have more energy and feel better overall.

On the flip side, I have also set some other goals to complete projects by E's first birthday. I really hope I'm not the only one who has started a million projects and didn't finish half of them. (Some of which is due to cash flow, but most is due to little time/energy)

1. Finish painting E's closet and put back together.
2. Find more decorations and curtains for E's room. (Yes she is 10 months and no I have not finished her room. Terrible, I know)
3. Paint guest room.
4. Finish painting the kitchen/dining. (Started this one 6 months ago.)
5. Hire/have someone put in our microwave and fix the plumbing under the kitchen sink. (I've had only one side to the sink and 2 burners on my stove because we took down the hood only to find out it's connected to the house electric. That's been like that about 4 months)
6. Deep clean entire house. (Cabinets, closets, floor boards, reorganize kitchen cabinets,...)
7. Paint living room. (This is probably the biggest project because we have vaulted ceilings and will have to have scaffolding.)
8. Enlist Help.

Number 8 is tough for me and I've been in a position where I've had no choice but to ask for help lately. I'm blessed with a great church family and wonderful friends who have really stepped up to help. I truly do not know what I'd do without them. But truth be told, I am only one person. And all of this plus the day to day stuff, taking care of a baby, preparing meals differently, shopping with coupons for healthy food items,... It's going to be a lot, but with help and support, I think it can be done.

Derailed

2010-08-15T21:22:00.002-05:00

You know how you get on a roll with life and things and everything seems to make sense and work... and then you have a crazy week and things get derailed? This was our crazy week. And boy do I feel behind on life! I guess maybe that's a bad outlook to have because crazy weeks happen often, but I just hate when I get things in order and then life takes over. Don't you?

I got into this GREAT habit of cleaning every morning while my babe naps. It's wonderful because every morning I would do the basics, plus tackle a mess that has been waiting for a long time. You know... like under a cabinet or the closet or cleaning the fridge,... It was working great. And once upon a time ALL of my coupons were clipped and folded neatly into my HUGE binder.

Well, I am sad to report that the laundry is piled up, there are dishes in my sink, the fridge is well...let's not go there, and my coupons are all over the guest room.

BUT on the plus side, I got to make 2 cakes and spend A LOT of time hanging out with my little family and friends. Sometimes people are just way more important than always having to keep up with everything. And truth be told, no one can keep up with everything all of the time. And if they say they can, they're lying. No one is perfect. As much as I want to believe that there are real Martha Stewarts out there who do it all without hired help, there just aren't. That's crazy.

Savings Saturday - Sell Stuff you're not using anymore

2010-08-07T20:58:00.003-05:00

My husband and I don't really have a lot of stuff. Meaning that we are young and haven't accumulated that much, but we definitely have enough to have a small yard sale or two. In fact, we did one today. I pretty much threw it together. We bummed off some neighbors who already posted signs at the front of our subdivision. I posted some stuff on craigslist to try to draw some people, but I only made one sign and hung it from our mailbox.

We had a lot of smaller items and clothes, and we still did well. Think of it this way... We spend a lot of time not earning money. Even if your sale averages out to $3 an hour, that's more money than you had before and you're getting rid of stuff you don't need/use anymore. AND someone else is going to get use from those things.

Just a side note... say you only make $50. If you coupon and/or shop sales, that money could get you $200+ worth of groceries! Or you could use whatever money you make to pay down a bill so that it ends up costing you less in interest in the long run, thus saving you even more money!

OR.... Use that extra money to treat yourself. I think it is super important to take care of yourself and sometimes, a massage or new hairdo is necessary!

Or you could use it to save for Christmas shopping, a family vacation, make house repairs,... the opportunities are endless.

If you don't want to have a yard sale, list some items on Craigslist or Ebay. Even if they're random items, you just never know what people are looking for!

I sold a brand new set of Faux Wood Blinds today that didn't end up fitting in our window. I never took them back and they've been sitting in our bedroom for almost a year. (I know I know, shame on me. I am just terrible at taking things back.) I actually got close to what I paid for them, because I got such a good deal when I originally purchased them.

Sometimes its hard to get rid of stuff, but I promise that once you start doing it, it will get easier!

Sometimes

2010-08-02T08:42:00.002-05:00

Sometimes things don't go according to plan.
Sometimes they do.
Sometimes life is really really tough.
Sometimes it isn't.
Sometimes we don't understand why things happen the way they do.
Sometimes we do.
Sometimes we try to do the best we can at everything we do.
Sometimes we don't.

It's been another rough week, and there are a lot of things I don't understand. There are a lot of "ifs," "maybes," "buts," and "sometimes." Above all, I know that God is in control. He has a plan and it is perfect. I am just resting in that today.

Savings Saturday - Couponing 101

2010-07-31T06:20:00.001-05:00

In order to keep from randomly posting money saving tips, I'm going to post them on Saturdays. I thought maybe "Tip Tuesday" would be cute but then I didn't like it and well, after Monday, there is just no guarantee I will post on Tuesdays. ;) And of course I don't want anyone going around saying "Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays..." (Name that movie) Okay, so it's been a long week/day. Moving on...

Exhibit A

Amount Spent: $19
Almost $200 worth
That's 90% savings!

My best trip?
$0.39 for $65 worth of groceries and yes that includes tax!

It takes time. And sometimes a few headaches. But in the end... It's worth it for me.

I do most of my grocery shopping at Publix. They are generally an expensive place to shop, but they have tons of items BOGO every week. Pair BOGO with couponing and you have a great way to save! The items ring up half price, so you can use a coupon for each item or just get one!

You can also get tons of hygiene items for FREE or close to FREE at drugstores like Walgreens, Rite-Aid, and CVS.

Sometimes it's hard to know where to start. I honestly just started by getting the newspaper, clipping, and looking at the sales. I did an envelope system for a while and then switched over to a HUGE binder with clear business card inserts. There are other, much faster ways of doing it, but this is what works for me.

Once I started finding sales and adding on coupons, I was okay with the results. But they weren't stellar and they were taking FOREVER. So I started using various websites to help me. A lot of them spell out the deals and even have a checklist right on their site that you can print and include which coupons you need!

Here are a few that I like...
1. Hip2save
2. Southern Savers
3. I Heart Publix
4. Coupon Mom
5. Friend Family Savings
6. Totally Target or Attention Target Shoppers

There are hundreds out there so I'm sure someone will post deals in a way that makes the most sense to you!

I generally save around 90% at Publix. I usually save at least 50% on meat and produce too, but that is another topic for another day. :)

The great thing about couponing? It always saves you money as long as you're buying things you'll actually use. You can do as little or as much as you want. If you get the paper anyway, just clip 5 coupons of items you already buy and use them on a sale! You CAN totally use them on the clearance items at Target too! Just fyi! I'm always going down the insides of the isles to see what kinds of goodies I can find.

If you have questions or want more information, feel free to email me at beautyindistress at gmail dot com!

(Oh and p.s. Yes, there are 20 bottles of Ketchup in that picture, but I think it's important to note that I called ahead and ordered that many so that other people didn't miss out on the deal and the store was prepared. I think it's super important to give a heads up if you're planning on stocking up like that!)

Mommy needs a sick day

2010-07-29T18:56:00.002-05:00

Don't you wish you could just take a sick day sometimes? Today was one of those days! E has discovered squealing in a brand new way and absolutely nothing will stop her from squealing when she wants something. NOTHING. So between my already blaring headache, and the squeals I had quite the day.

Now I am going to put away some groceries, work on my couponing for a bit, and hit the hay. I'm exhausted.

Out with the old and in with the new

2010-07-26T06:55:00.003-05:00

Well, today is Monday. A new day and a very important day for us as my hubby starts his first day at work. I almost can't remember what it felt like to start a new job. I remember that there were nerves, uncertainty, and excitement all wrapped into one. I am just so thankful that I get to stay at home with my girl and not worry about that anymore.

It is funny though... The second you completely stop looking for work or just a little extra income, it's like the opportunities just keep come knocking. People looking for babysitters, meals, and help around the house to name a few. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the opportunities and if we were in a position where I absolutely needed to earn an income, I would accept these offers. But I honestly have no desire to "work" anymore. I know that God made it possible to be at home with the baby for a reason, and I know in my heart this is where I am supposed to be. I rarely hesitate to say no, aside from asking God and making sure it's not something I should do. The answer is just always "no". It's funny how the love of a child can instantly change your perspective and ability to say that two letter word. (I used to be a "yes" girl.)

When I first had E, I struggled to leave my job. I knew it was the right decision for us, but it was difficult. I didn't want to leave my former coworkers and boss in a tight place, I really enjoyed that job and the people I worked with. I had been working for several years, even full time during college. As much I loved my baby, it was still a hard thing to do.

And now? No regrets whatsoever. I get to hang out with the coolest girl I know every day. She is so smart and beautiful and is constantly surprising me. Despite losing my mind every now and then, being a mommy and a wife is pretty spectacular.

Maybe somebody should pinch me...

2010-07-23T20:11:00.004-05:00

...I think I must be dreaming.

Well, the long awaited day has come. We have been praying for a new job for my husband for a long time and today, he finally got that job! As much as it will be great to be able to pay our loans down a little faster and possibly be able to not live paycheck to paycheck in the somewhat not to distant future, I am just ecstatic that my husband is happy. He will be able to sleep every night. He won't have to worry about being called in at random hours/times. He won't have to pull a 24+ hour shift. He will be able to go to church on Sunday, every Sunday. AND he will be able to spend the weekends at home with his family. God is awesome!

I am also thrilled that we will be using the overlapping paycheck to go on a mini vacation over labor day weekend. I can not tell you the last time we went on a "vacation" together. In fact, it may have been our "honeymoon" 3 1/2 years ago. My in-laws will be joining us which will be a great help with the babeh! Any extra hands and eyes are a huge help these days.

And I also caved and gave him his birthday present. I've already had it for a month and his birthday isn't until November. I found a great deal on it and couldn't pass it up. Of course, I use the first excuse I have to give it to him :( I tried. I guess maybe I am just not one of those people who can buy gifts well in advance.

And on the menu for dinner tonight was my hubby's favorite meal. BBQ mini-meatballs, smashed potatoes, corn, and garlic toast. We are saving our apple pie for tomorrow since we are both stuffed to the brim.

Well, the baby is tucked in bed, hubby is off to work one of his last night shifts, and I am going to curl up under a blanket with a glass of apple raspberry wine and watch Dear John.

The key to mommy-hood

2010-07-22T08:15:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I really don't know the key. BUT I do know that sometimes all you can do is pick yourself up, dust yourself up, scrub your face and put on some makeup, and go on with your day. I ACTUALLY did my make up for the first time in ~~three-hundred days~~ well, I can't really remember. A shower alone just isn't cutting it as of late. (for me)

And also, take time out for you.

This is a current goal of mine. I need a minimum of 2 hours a week away from my girl to take care of me, the house, grocery shopping,... I will humble myself enough to ask someone for help, for my sanity, my baby's sanity, and my husband's sanity. As much as I love spending 24/7 with my sweet girl, I need a little alone time.

The energy I used to have to paint the kitchen and clean after my girl went to bed is no longer there. When she's in bed for the night, I'm lucky if I have the energy to put the leftovers from dinner in the fridge.

Chicken

2010-07-21T08:15:00.000-05:00

I said I'd post some tips on here on how to save moolah for my friends who are curious about different ways to save money. I obviously haven't done a lot of that yet, but here's one!

Chicken is expensive. Particularly when you buy it in the individually wrapped packages. Personally I think it is ridiculous to pay $4 a pound for chicken. Please for all that is right and wrong and good and bad in the world, KNOW what you're paying per pound. A 2 lb frozen bag of chicken on sale for 6.99 is NOT a great deal. They don't always tell you the pounds. Sometimes it's in ounces and sometimes they don't tell you at all. It only takes a minute or less to figure it out on your own and it could save you several dollars.

At this point, for us, having a chicken coop and butchering our own chickens isn't ideal. If you're capable and willing to do it, I think that's great. You can use some to breed, some for eggs, and some for eating. In the long run, this is probably the cheapest method although there is some work involved and immediate costs.

If you like the dark meat, you can find great deals on leg and thigh meat. Buy it on sale and buy a lot of it when it's on sale. Or if you like it all, whole fryers can be a good option, particularly if you learn how to cut it into parts.

For me, I like a whole chicken every once in a while but we don't really eat a lot of dark meat. We prefer chicken breasts.

So here's what I do... I watch the sales at various stores in the area. If I see split chicken breasts for 99 cents per lb or less, I buy at least 25 pounds. I know it sounds like a lot, but that goes QUICKLY. You want to buy enough to last you until the next sale. If you watch, you'll notice a pattern. Most items go on sale about every 4-8 weeks. I then spend about an hour cutting the meat off the bone. I dump the scraps and bones into a big pot or 2 that I make into chicken stock. I rinse them, pat dry, put meal size portions into ziploc bags, label them, and freeze them. When you cut them carefully off the bone, you will have both a tender and a breast. It's actually quite easy and doesn't take long at all, especially once you get the hang of it.

If you're curious about the chicken stock, it's SO easy and will also save you lots of money. Put your bones/scraps into a pot. Throw in a couple carrots, celery, an onion cut in half, a couple cloves of garlic, some salt. pepper, and rosemary. (No need to peel the carrots or cut off parts. I'd peel the garlic and onion for the best flavor but don't worry about cutting off roots and such) Cover with water. Cook without a lid for an hour or 2. Drain and let cool. Label some ziploc bags and pour equal amounts in each bag and freeze or can. You can put anything you want into the stock and leave pretty much anything out. I've even put radish leaves in it and it was really good!

Hope this helps! Here's the quick break down.

1. Raise and butcher your own chickens if you can/are willing.
2. ALWAYS know how much you're getting for the price. (Figure out the price per lb.)
3. Watch sales and shop around for best price.
4. When price is right, buy A LOT.
5. Cut it off the bone yourself and make stock.
6. If none of these options work for you, you can sometimes find meat on closeout and there are also sometimes coupons.
(Perdue has coupons from time to time and rumor has it that Target has 3.5 whole fryers on sale for 99cents, Thanks hip2save.com!)

Bed time blues

2010-07-20T20:02:00.002-05:00

In bed.
Screaming.
Out of bed.
SO SLEEPY.
In bed.
Silence.
SCREAMING.
SCREAMING.
SCREAMING.
Out of bed.
Screaming.
Silence.
Screaming.
Silence.
Happy.
In bed.

To be honest, there may have been another in bed/out of bed in there, but at this point I can't remember. I'm just hoping this is not a sign of things to come, because up until tonight we have NEVER had a problem with bed time. Our babe loves her sleep. And also, I never figured out why she was just so upset. I did all of the things mommies are supposed to do and checked all of the places mommies are supposed to check and I still can't figure it out. :(

Other than bed time, today was a good day! I actually had my hubby watch our girl so that I could get a hair cut and I did a little baking. Of course, not all of the baking I wanted to do, but some is better than none! Up until recently, I haven't felt like I've lost all ability to do things as I normally would. My baby was pretty portable and well behaved. Now, she is very demanding and high energy. I'm thankful for the 8.5 months I still got to do things without much issue, but it's getting difficult now. Hopefully this is normal and maybe it will get easier? I can dream, right?

Angel baby

2010-07-03T23:07:00.005-05:00

I am truly blessed by this precious little girl. She is so pleasant and sweet most all of the time. She takes naps and goes to sleep without a problem. I could not have hand picked a better child for my hubby and I to learn from and hopefully impact in a positive way. :)

One of those weeks that leaves a "bad taste in your mouth"

2010-07-03T00:28:00.003-05:00

It's been a tough week.

My husband and I have been attending a church for several months now and we are really enjoying it. The pastor and his family are so kind and generous. The sermons are inspired. The people, for the most part, are lovely.

If you know anything about my hubby and I and our quest to find a church where we are both comfortable, you know that it has been long, hard, and seemingly impossible. I am the type to jump in and get involved in a church, but I have been reserved and waiting and praying for God to confirm that this is where we're supposed to be and where He would like me to serve.

I've been attending an incredible women's bible study every Wednesday morning that has been so refreshing and deep, exactly what I've needed.

Well, my "church high" was very short-lived this time as I was shown once again how selfish christians can be. I understand that we are all that way, but it seems to hurt even more when it is done by those who claim to be different. I want so desperately to run and either not go back to church ever again or find a new church....maybe even one where I can just hide for a long time. Unfortunately, and fortunately for that matter, that is not an option. My family is more important than petty issues with people and my family needs to worship in a place where we are all comfortable and can serve. The church as a whole has not done anything to warrant us leaving and I refuse to allow a person to push me away.

So, I must bandage up my wounds the best I can and move on and just pray that I can get past this horrible, painful week.

I'm a believer

2010-06-24T20:42:00.003-05:00

For years I have bought into the idea that coupons are a waste of time and money. "It's cheaper to buy the off brand." After making money off of purchases and spending 39 cents for $60 worth of groceries, I have changed my ways and beliefs.

I will say that it does take a lot of time and energy and sometimes it takes a lot of printer ink, but what other job can you make $50+ an hour and do it completely on your own terms?

I will never spend more than 25 cents on a package of pads again! Body wash = FREE... Razors = FREE... It's insane how much you don't have to spend to get nice things! And you get to try items you never thought you would try!

And even better, once I get my stockpile, I am going to gather items to send to soldiers overseas and/or donate to local charities. We live on one income and as much as I've wanted to help local missionaries and such, I haven't had the resources. Now I have something tangible I can do to help. Of course there are other things you can do, like make a meal, a loaf of bread, pray,... but this is something I can work on over time and pull from whenever I want!

This is one of those things you have to have the time and energy to dedicate. If I wasn't home a SAHM, I don't think I could do this as well. I may not always be in a position to put this much time into it, but for now it is helping us make ends meet and pay off my student loans, so it's worth it! And speaking of student loans, we are officially half way to having them paid off!

Our little miss

2010-06-19T19:43:00.002-05:00

It is amazing to watch a child grow and develop their personality. I don't think you realize all of the details unless it's your own child. Our little miss is so dramatic already and she's only 8 months old!

The giggles, the smiles, the raising of one eyebrow...I just love being a mommy!

Sure at times it's rough, but it's amazing how quickly you learn from your mistakes. Like Thursday night I decided to take my hubby to a movie. I clicked on the Fandango link fast enough to get a 10 cent ticket, and I had to book it right away in order to get it. Well, we couldn't find a sitter for that time, so we took the babeh with us. Normally she is super chill and falls asleep in the sling in the theatre. Not this time! She went from screaming mad to super happy and chatting as loudly as she could. Needless to say mommy didn't get to see much of the movie. So, we probably won't be taking her to the movie theatre anytime soon.

Wrapping up May

2010-05-31T22:12:00.003-05:00

May has been a busy month. Although, I'm not so sure there is such thing as a slow month after having a baby. Not that its a bad thing, there is just always something to do. It's not like you can take a day off from being a mom. :)

Our garden survived the flood that came a day after we planted. Yes we have some things coming up all over, and we aren't really sure which are weeds and which are veggies but overall it is looking fabulous! I have picked several radishes and some of the other plants are starting to flower which is a good sign! (More on the beauty of a radish later. So many things they are good for!)

The ants are (mostly) gone...for now. My mother-in-law brought some Terro Syrup and basically they eat it and take it back to their colony and they all die. It sounds cruel, but keeping a clean kitchen where I can cook for my family and friends is super important to me.

A lot of my friends have been asking me to share some of my money saving tips. There are places for this all over the internet; people who devote an entire blog to a specific ways to save money. I can't and don't want to compete with that. So I will share what I do and what I know from time to time, but I will also make reference of other resources for more specific, in depth information.

We visited a civil war battlefield today. There wasn't much to see, but being there really made me feel like I was connected to history. It's really interesting to be on the other side of the civil war and find out that it really didn't have much to do with what I was taught. I don't want to get into the politics, but it's amazing how moving several states south will change your perspective on things.

So basically in May I...witnessed a disaster in my own city that affected my neighbors and friends...killed several hundred ants...watched my garden grow...watched my baby roll around...chased her as she tried to grab everything she could find (even things I didn't see until they were in her hands)...started couponing...found out my next door neighbor is from close to where I grew up...went 3 nights in a row with no more than 2 hours of sleep per night (teething is tough)...visited a civil war battlefield...lost 4 lbs...made 2 fancy cakes...decided I might (not have a choice but to) start my own business...entertained my wonderful in-laws...watched the season finale of LOST...and well...I could go on, but I will spare you ;)

Hope your May was as full of blessings and surprises as mine!

Simple things

2010-05-06T11:22:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I really miss being a child. They have so much fun and are free-spirited. They have energy and the simplest things amuse them.

I love watching my girl discover new things. Everything is so exciting for her! She laughs hysterically when we scare her and thinks washcloths are way more fun than her toys.

The newest, most interesting thing is a word she made up. We are working on "Dadda" and somehow, after much intense thought, she came up with "BAH." It's not like all the other jibber jabber. It is an intent, thought out, very serious "BAH." My girl is so proud of herself that she gives us a coy smile after she says the "word."

And out of all the new milestones she's reached as of late, rolling everywhere, getting into everything, walking while I hold her hands, turning around, I have to admit that "BAH" is my favorite. ;)

The Ants go marching one by one...

2010-05-05T21:42:00.002-05:00

I grew up in the country, in the middle-of-no-where surrounded by trees and fields and one house across the street. Okay so that eventually turned into more homes, but you get my drift. There were bugs and critters and I was okay with them...

Now I have my own house, my own kitchen, walls, floors, and for some reason the bugs have REALLY taken to it. In particular, the ants and spiders. I can deal with the spiders, although screaming does occur on occasion, but the ants? I WANT THEM ALL TO DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH. PETA will probably come after me for saying that, but bugs belong outside. They don't belong on my floors and they REALLY don't belong on my countertops. I try to keep it crumb free, but with two dogs, a baby, and a hubby it's nearly impossible.

I've tried the terro traps and the baby powder and vinegar spray but nothing seems to be working. They come back in herds! YUCK.

I guess it could be worse... There could be snakes or ducks or possums or mice,... (Not that I EVER saw these in our home growing up) ;)

Back to the googles for help and if I can't get rid of them, I guess we'll have to splurge and hire The Bug Man again. :(

Relaxation

2010-04-23T17:47:00.003-05:00

As far as husband's go, I think mine is pretty amazing. He is thoughtful, kind, and generous and he works his tail off going to school full time and working more than full time so that I can stay home with our little girl. He's not perfect and sometimes I complain about him when I really shouldn't but overall I think I basically hit the jackpot. :)

My husband is the best gift giver...ever and somehow manages to find money outside of our normal income/budget to get me nice things. He got me a day at the spa for our anniversary back in November. I guess after carrying a baby for 9 (10) months relaxation is somewhat necessary, although difficult to find time for. He even said he would watch the munchkin while I went for 4/5 hours!

So it's been 5 months and I FINALLY decided to use my gift certificate. Holy moly was it ever wonderful and exactly what I needed. 5 hours of being pampered from head to toe and treated like a queen. Everyone needs/deserves/SHOULD do this at some point, if not once every year or 2. My day ended with a yummy frappuccino from Starbucks thanks to a giftcard from my friend for my bday!

And on top of everything, my girl was apparently an angel for the hubs. You know, the same girl that has been screaming non-stop for 3 days for mommy... At least maybe he'll watch her again without hesitation. :)

Life

2010-04-20T19:14:00.004-05:00

The first time I remember meeting and talking with Lois was following a visit to a new church. After church that Sunday I was invited to a women's get together at the pastor's home. We gathered for tea, crafts, prayer, and chatting. I sat at a table with Lois and another young woman.

I quickly learned that Lois wasn't an average mother, grandmother, or friend. She had spunk and wasn't afraid to share her opinion but she was also the sweetest, most generous person I had ever met. Her heart was truly made of gold, and she touched every person she came in contact with.

Lois had many health problems. I honestly don't know much of the details except that she battled leukemia and recovered from it. There were days that she could barely breathe and we would still see her in church. During prayer she would thank God for life, her daughters, church, and all of her blessings. When things were really bad, she publicly asked God for help but was sure to thank him first.

Through the best and worst of times, Lois was ALWAYS overflowing with joy and happiness. Her relationship with her daughters was astounding and precious to see. She went on cruises and trips with her husband and they had one of those marriages that everyone dreams of and admires.

I think Lois touched more lives than she knew, and I was one of them. If there is one thing I learned from her life, it's that I can have joy in the worst of times. I hope that when things get tough for me, I have just a small amount of the perseverance and joy that Lois exuded everyday.

Lois, you will be missed, but we know that you are in a better place waiting for us. We love you.

I think I can, I think I can...

2010-04-12T20:20:00.006-05:00

Gardening is not my forte. I kill mums in a matter of weeks and you aren't supposed to be able to kill mums. You would think after killing dozens of plants, I would give up but that's just not the case.

This year, I was/am absolutely determined to plant a garden. And because I have orange clay for "dirt," I knew it would be quite the feat. We tilled a 12 foot square in our yard and placed it strategically by the kitchen window so that I would see it every day and remember to water it. The tilling? It sucked because clay likes to be together. If you have it, you understand.

Then we started to build a garden box around the tilled ground, so we can pour topsoil in and keep the deer out. (I like the root vegetables so extra depth was important to me.)

We're hoping to have the box finished tomorrow and the seeds in the soil. I did start some veggies in egg cartons so we're not too far behind.

Hopefully I will be picking fresh lettuce, beets, and green beans (to name a few) soon!

One of my favorites...

2010-04-10T23:19:00.004-05:00

We have a store in the area that sells products at least half off of their retail price, called "Liquidation Outlet". Sometimes this store has specials when they get an abundance of certain items. And sometimes they have specials plus "half off days" (an extra 50% off everything in the store). Today you could purchase hot/cold humidifiers for $2, coffee makers for $5, nice filing cabinets for $2.50, Wii remotes for $9 and the list goes on...and on...and on. Usually the only problem with the items is that the box is a little warped.

"Liquidation Outlet" has quickly become my FAVORITE store because I can get things that would normally hurt the bank account for super cheap. And I can try things without feeling guilty for spending a ton of money on them. It's wonderful. And the fun and even more addicting part is that their inventory is constantly changing and they never know when they're going to get a new truck full of goodies.

Sure liquidation stores get a bad rap, but this place is run by, from what I understand, a great family who really cares about their customers. The employees are all friendly and helpful and you simply can not beat the prices.

It is such a blessing to find a place that is well run and inexpensive and it makes me wonder if this is a rare concept or if there are other stores like this in different areas.

My day was great, how was yours?

2010-04-08T07:02:00.000-05:00

You know those days where you just want to crawl back under the covers and start over? Today was definitely one of those days.

It started at 3am. I tried to ignore the sweet cries coming from the monitor, but as they turned to screams I knew I was going to have find the strength to get up. I cradled my darling baby and nursed her for what seemed like hours. There was a lot of dozing and a lot of random screams because she couldn't latch back on. Pretty sure this went on until 6:30 at which point I gave up on her falling asleep next to me, and put her in her crib. Not 30 minutes later, there was screaming again. This time she had a stink. (That's what we call poopy diapers here.) By then she was wide awake and nothing I could do would make her go back to sleep.

As I got up from the recliner, my phone slipped off and landed in the cup of coffee I didn't finish the night before. I quickly pulled it out and tried every trick in the book. Blotting, blow drying, a bag of rice... Every once in a while I had a glimmer of hope, but it wasn't enough. The screen was gone. Kaput. No more.

Then I went to check my email and my computer crashed. My Mac that never ever crashes, crashed. And although I thought I had learned my lesson about backing up data, none of those beautiful pictures of my baby were backed up. Luckily I was able to eventually restart it and quickly backed everything up.

It didn't really end there. As if to mock me, my baby was happy the rest of the day. I managed to drop a fork on a can of coke and create a teeny hole of which soda began to spew. And probably the worst part was pinching my finger in our backup car seat that I had never used, having the baby laugh at me because I made a silly face, and having to unlatch and lift the car seat one handed to free my index finger. OUCH!

All in all, it was a very interesting day. On the upside, it all happened at once so hopefully that will be the end. My husband and I are due for upgrades on our phones and I still have a warranty on my computer.

Everyone is safe, healthy, fed, and happy. And when everyone else is happy, mommy is happy.

Silence

2010-04-07T07:00:00.001-05:00

Aside from the clicking of the keys as I type, it is completely silent in my house. This is a very rare occasion in our home these days. Between the two dogs, baby, and my constant need to accomplish something, it gets pretty chaotic.

As much as I am attempting to savor the calm, I can't help but hear the baby cry. I'm typically really in tune to her and I know if she wakes up from a nap from the opposite end of the house, even without the monitor. But now I think I'm past the "in tune" part and onto a little crazy. I guess it's probably normal when you go through phases where baby cries a lot but its a little odd.

(Of course it might also be that I'm hearing the neighbor's crazy rooster that crows at all hours of the day.)

Who took my baby?

2010-04-06T18:21:00.002-05:00

They say that the first 6 weeks after your beautiful bundle of joy arrives are the hardest. Between the big CHANGE in your life, lack of sleep, feeding around the clock they figure it can't get worse. Maybe I'm not like most, but I thoroughly enjoyed those first 6 weeks. But now... either I'm getting my 6 weeks a little late or they LIED to me.

My sweet, innocent, loving infant has become a monster. Okay maybe not quite, but seriously it's been tough. She is 5.5 months and into everything. She can never really decide what she wants except when I'm eating she HAS to have what I'm putting in my mouth. Not that I let her, but the grabbing gets old quickly.

Mostly, its the chasing and the weird schedule and the sometimes all I want to do is nap and sometimes I need to nap but there is no way on earth I'm going to. OR better yet, the "I'm going to play games with my mommy and roll over in my crib, get stuck on my back, and throw a fit so that she comes and puts me back on my tummy."

She refuses to cuddle with me and I'm really hoping that that is just a phase because her and I were cuddle buddies up until a couple weeks ago.

And the squealing...oh the squealing. To those who only have to hear it for five minutes at a time, it's absolutely adorable. But when you hear it for hours and hours and hours, it makes you want to pull out your hair.

So, you're probably wondering... What does all of this mean? Why the sudden changes? (OR you're a mommy and you've been in this place so you're laughing at me right now.)

And the culprit for most of the items listed above is... the TEENY TINY sharp little ridges scraping at my poor baby's gums. There is one poking through that has cut my hand a few times, but there are more little buds just lingering and driving her and me insane.

Please don't get me wrong, I love her dearly and I still stare at her and wonder how someone so beautiful and incredible came from me, but we're having a little rough patch.

Rediscovering Me

2010-01-24T18:33:00.002-06:00

Having a baby changes things, period. I like to tell myself that its not much different than when it was just my husband and I, but it's not. I was blessed with a great baby. She sleeps A LOT and she's pretty calm most of the time. My hubby and I still go out from time to time and we still spend a lot of time with each other. Instead of racing off to work 45 minutes away every day, I get to roll out of bed, grab my munchkin, roll back into bed, let her eat and drift off for another hour or 2 before the day really begins.

Being home with her is really quite lovely. Being home to take care of the house and try new recipes is also wonderful. But now that I pretty much live from feeding time to nap time and play time, who am I? What is my identity? I'm a mom and a wife, but who am I as a person? What am I doing for me?

I don't want to become a robot. I don't want to get frustrated or go stir crazy. I don't want to lose myself.

So my goal this week is to take 30 minutes each day for me. I'm not talking about T.V. time or computer time or cooking out of enjoyment. I'm talking about brewing a cup of coffee or pouring a glass of wine and soaking in a steamy bubble bath, or reading a good book, or journaling. Being still.

Even though you or I may enjoy cooking, baking, cleaning, feeding, bathing, and all of our daily tasks taking the time for ourselves is SO important. I'm going to forget about the dishes and the laundry for 30 minutes a day and relax. Hopefully in that time I will remember that I am still me. :)

Birth Story ...continued

2010-01-14T15:02:00.009-06:00

(This is Part II. Click HERE for Part I)

20 hours... 21 hours...22 hours.......23 hours.....

(It's funny how when you go into labor you think, I'M GOING TO HAVE MY BABY TODAY. And then after 23 hours, you realize that's absolutely not the case.)

Around 23 hours my midwife came in and told me that they talked it over and I could go home with some Ambien... WAIT a second... I've been in labor for nearly 24 hours and I can go home? You mean... like a good hour or so drive in rush hour traffic... only to have no idea when the baby is actually going to come and turn right back around? Ummm.... I don't think so.

So I asked her about breaking my water so I could stay... She breaks my "bags of water" and although contractions get stronger, NO progression. (Can I just quickly say that that water is REALLY warm? I don't know what I was expecting, obviously baby needs warm...but it was a little surprising.)

Anyway... I think that got me to 4 cm. And around the 24 hour mark I gave up my quest for no meds. IVs it was! And pass out I did... well, that is for 2 minutes at a time.

SHIFT CHANGE

I'm pretty much passed out and can't comprehend anything at this point. New midwife comes in and talks for what seems like 30 minutes while I dose. She basically said I NEEDED the epidural and pitocin. I was so out of it, I just said okay. Do what you need to do.

I couldn't help but think something was wrong with me that I wasn't progressing. I was scared of infection... and I was scared of a c-section. My fear of the big needle went to the wayside.

Before I knew it my room was swarming with people. Tape and poking and prying at me while my husband and doula were cast aside. I wasn't allowed to move. How was I supposed to not move when no one was supporting me, I was drugged up and falling asleep, and people were pushing me? I don't really get it.

I fell asleep. For about 5 or 6 or maybe 7 hours.

Woke up in severe pain. Got an extra dose of epidural.

Midwife came in... checked me.... 10 cm! But baby still wasn't engaged.

An hour later I was pushing with the nurse. I guess I didn't know that you start pushing with a nurse before the midwife comes. I got to see my baby's head! I think that finally sealed the deal for me. He/she was finally coming!

I'm pushing, things are progressing,... nurse comes in... She needs to stop pushing and you need to come with me.

Yes that's right. I had to stop pushing. The most PAINFUL part of the entire process was when I needed to push and I had to stop. 30 minutes of that. TOTALLY sucked. Thank God my doula was there coaching me and even let me push with her a little.

I think after everyone in another ward heard me screaming in pain, they finally decided I needed help.

The midwife was still busy with another emergency birth, but the nurse was back.

Before I knew it the midwife was in there, head came out, and although I thought I was supposed to pause in order to avoid tearing. I was told to push. One of the nurses slammed down on my tummy (sticky shoulder) and out came baby.

They laid the baby on my chest and for a few moments I forgot I was supposed to look to see if it was a boy or girl. To my surprise... a little girl! EVERYONE's predictions were wrong.

She didn't cry or anything so they ended up taking her away pretty quickly. I remember hearing nurses comment about how big she was... Whoah, is that scale right? Yes... it was... 10lb 7oz

So in 36 hours I delivered a beautiful little 10lb 7oz girl sunny side up. :)

I am so thankful for my husband, my doula and good friend, and the midwives that helped.

Birth Story ...not what I expected

2009-11-16T22:53:00.005-06:00

My due date had come and gone and I was getting anxious. Days went by where NOTHING happened. There were times I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with a child growing inside of me... Okay, I know that sounds crazy but when you're expecting to have your baby a little early and you watch day after day pass by with no signs of labor, you start to lose it a little.

The night was finally here. I had fairly strong, consistent contractions for a few hours each of the three nights before so thinking they may actually progress seemed far-fetched. The contractions pretty much started at 5 minutes apart. I waited a few hours before calling my midwife, just to make sure there was something to call about. They continued so I called and we decided I would call back once contractions were closer together and stronger. I tried sleeping, taking a bath, rolling on the birthing ball, swaying my hips,...not much was helping the pain but it was still tolerable. Once my contractions were 3 minutes apart and not so tolerable for a few hours I decided I needed to go in. After all, we live a good 40 minutes from the hospital and if I waited much longer, we'd be in morning rush hour traffic and I might have to have my baby on the side of the road.

We arrived at the hospital and they got us a labor room. Okay pause... They tried making me sit... They tried putting me in a wheelchair. I think 10 people asked if I wanted a wheelchair... And then the lovely escort walked like the speed of lightning. Even my long legged husband couldn't catch up. I think we were still in the lobby when she was at the elevator...

Anyway... once we arrived at the labor room they checked me and baby... 3cm dilated, 90% effaced, VERY strong contractions, baby responding well to them.

We walked around, tried several different stretches, my hubby and doula rubbed my back and feet,... I screamed in his shirt a few times,...

Several hours later... 3cm dilated, 90% effaced, VERY strong contractions,... Midwife scraped membranes so I didn't have to go home...

An hour later... Shift change... 3.5 cm dilated, 90% effaced, VERY strong contractions,... baby responding well.

New nurse sat with us and stared into space...also insisted on checking baby heartbeat every 30 minutes. EVERY 30 minutes... bear in mind that this nurse has a 12 hour shift... AND we had to be back from walks every 30 minutes. AND if I was naked in the shower trying to cope with the pain, she would still check me. (Oh, it's waterproof... Grrr...)

And also, she "told on me" to my midwife for eating french fries, lol. (I'd like to see her go nearly a day without food and a very difficult workout and not eat...)

By this point I had been in the hospital for 20 hours... and I was having VERY strong contractions that were clearly not doing anything. My hopes for a natural birth were slipping away by the minute....

(to be continued...)

Birth Plans are just that... a plan

2009-11-14T09:35:00.003-06:00

Whether it is in writing or not, everyone has an idea of how they'd like their labor and delivery to go. Some know without a doubt they want the strongest meds they can get. Some want c-sections. While others desire to have a completely natural birth.

I wanted to go natural. Certain facts and rumors scared me.

Forceps and Vacuums.
After much research in high school and college about abortions and the use of forceps and vacuums, I didn't want that to be a thought at delivery. (Little did I know that they RARELY use forceps and vacuums anymore.)

The effects of meds on mom and baby.
I didn't want any meds to make me sleepy or loopy or affect my baby. Stories of people who had epidurals falling fast asleep right after delivery loomed in my head. I wanted to hold my baby and nurse as soon as possible.

C-section.
That might mean longer recovery time, scars, not being able to have my baby put on my chest, not seeing my baby for a while, and many other things that weren't for me.

It's sort of strange, but I wanted to experience the pain of having a child. I wanted to see if I could do it. It was a challenge.

There are millions of other thoughts that can go with a birth plan, from episiotomies to keeping placenta. Here's a quick run-down of my basic desires...

No meds.
IVs if absolutely necessary.
NO EPIDURAL (not gonna lie, I was scared to death of this thing)
No Episiotomy (Can actually cause more tearing and more recovery time)
Do everything possible to avoid tearing
Husband to cut umbilical cord
My doula and husband in the room with me
Labor as long as possible at home
DON'T announce sex of baby. Lay baby on my chest so that I can tell everyone whether he/she is a boy or girl.
As few checks as possible before and after birth
Baby to stay with me unless I requested he/she go to the nursery so I could rest
Delay eye drops
Don't do shots at hospital except Vitamin K
If boy, circumcise at hospital. Husband to be present.

All this to say, things didn't exactly go according to plan, but the end result was spectacular.

The end of the world as I knew it

2009-11-13T10:42:00.006-06:00

Life as I knew it has ended. But I am beyond grateful for that. I have been blessed with the most incredible, beautiful, and intelligent little girl I have ever met.

I love my husband more than anything, but the love that I feel for my little girl is different. It blows my mind away that I can provide everything she needs. I comfort her, feed her, care for her,... I always seem to magically know what's wrong. I can't describe it.

Being a mommy is the most rewarding and challenging experience of my life.

Control: My Baby...my plan...

2009-10-15T21:56:00.004-05:00

They say you learn that you are not in control after you have your first child. Although I have not yet had my first, I'm getting a small taste of this daunting statement.

I have been incredibly proud of myself throughout my pregnancy. Yes, I want nothing more than to hold my baby in my arms and look into his/her eyes but that has not made me anxious. I've really enjoyed being pregnant. Feeling life inside of me is like nothing I have ever experienced. It's indescribable.

And now I find myself in an entirely different place. I'm 3 days... just 3 days... past my due date and I'm starting to feel a little crazy.

I know that every pregnancy and every baby is different, but I had high hopes that mine would be somewhat similar to my mom's experiences. All 3 of us were at least 3 days early and she only labored for 7 hours with me, her firstborn.

Hey...one can dream, right?

There are few signs, if any, that labor is imminent.

Overall, I feel great, but my hormones are ALL over the place. One minute I can be patient and enjoy being pregnant and the next I'm super depressed and feel like something must be wrong with me or the baby.

At this point my baby isn't even engaged and I may have to be induced.

I'm learning that my plan to have the baby at a certain time and a certain way may not be possible. No matter how much I walk or how many herbs I try, I am not in control.

There is a time and place and plan for the birth of my baby, but it is not in my hands. I am not in control. Maybe if I just say that over and over and over, I'll get it... or maybe I still have a LOT more to learn....

I guess I still have a lot more to learn.

What's in a name?

2009-06-06T21:58:00.003-05:00

My husband and I have been contemplating our child's name a lot lately. We've always known what we would name a boy but we just can't decide or agree on a girl's name. I think we'll probably go with a family name from his side but we're still uncertain of a middle name...

Anyway, as much as I want a girl part of me hopes that our first child will be a little boy. With the boy's name, we decided to honor two brave and honorable men who were killed in Iraq. One of them, in particular, was one of the best leaders any of the guys had or had seen. He was one of those people that no one had a bad thing to say about and everyone respected. He was a loving father and husband and somehow he even knew he wouldn't return to his family.

I wish that I had the opportunity to meet him and learn from him.

His wife is an incredible woman as well and she was one of the few who really understood what I was going through while my hubby was gone. Despite her loss she has continued to help many through tragedy and difficult times.

My husband wrote her a letter to tell her that if we had a boy, we would name him after her husband. She was honored and delighted and even messaged me several times to find out if we knew what we were having. :)

2009-05-28T07:54:00.002-05:00

I woke up early this morning and by early I mean about 30 minutes before I typically wake up. I'd tell you what time but you'd probably laugh in my face and tell me that's not really early. I'm sure I will finally truly discover early when the baby comes 5 months from now. I have a lot to learn. :)

My plan was to arrive to work before most got there so that I could begin catching up. I hate having projects and tasks lurk over me and there are about 4 hanging there right now. Not only did I arrive early, but I had time to stop and get breakfast. Maybe arising before I absolutely have to isn't such a bad thing?

So today will be filled with work and tonight will be rest. And hopefully I'll have a chance to finish a blog about the baby and maybe start one about the big wedding we had this past weekend.

Wedding crashers, fights, broken toilets... I have some stories for you. :)

Doesn't someone know how to stick people with a needle? And I DO NOT have a disease....

2009-05-03T09:47:00.003-05:00

I LOVE my Nurse-Midwife(ves). They are very intelligent and capable women. Some of them even hug me and nearly cried with me the first time I heard my baby's heartbeat. However, their support people need some help. Thus far they have yet to be able to successfully draw my blood.

The First time they tried, the lady chased my vein for a good 3-5 minutes before noticing that the veins on my hand stuck out and she could stick them easily. So.... she did... And she forgot to hold the needle in place so naturally, it jumped right back out and blood went everywhere. She tried again and drew the blood... FINALLY.

Later that week I received a very interesting call from the department of health. They started talking to me about Hepatitis B and if I knew that I had it and knew what to do or expect. Eventually I was able to get a word in and said "HOLD ON, What are you talking about?" I didn't have HepB. I'd had blood work done just recently and nothing like that came back and PLUS I had 3 shots so that I wouldn't get Hepatitis.

It's NOT a good idea to tell a newly pregnant lady that she has a disease.

Long story short, they messed up at the clinic and didn't draw enough blood to prove that the reason Hepatitis was showing up as positive was because I had the immunizations. They also didn't draw blood for other important things they were supposed to check. Needless to say I had to go back and get more blood drawn.

This time was even worse than the first. In fact, I'm pretty sure this lady had never stuck someone in her life. Why was she working there anyway? So she tries to stick me and puts the needle all the way through my vein. Then she kept wondering why my blood was only dripping out. Well, at that point they knew they busted the vein so they kept it there and watched the area swell the size of a baseball. Then they watched my arm turn purple and swell.

Afterwards, I got an ice pack and was told to sit there for a good while to keep the swelling down. I think I was also told I was going to bruise badly. At that point a bruise didn't bother me, but the fact that my arm was swollen and purple wasn't comforting.

After not hearing from them for a week or so I decided to call and find out what I already knew. I did NOT have Hepatitis B. And also, they have to draw blood again because one of the vials clotted. Just lovely. If those people think they are getting a needle within 5 feet of me anytime soon, they have something else coming.

Next Appointment... My first ultrasound.... Thank God it should be just with my nurse-midwife.

The reason I haven't been posting... It's good, I promise

2009-04-20T12:49:00.002-05:00

Aside from work, being a wife, chasing 2 pups with soap and water, house hunting, and planning my big wedding, there is a really good explanation as to why I've been MIA lately.

You see, I found out not too long ago that I have a little one growing inside me! Yep, I'm 15 weeks preggers with my first baby! For some of you lucky preggo ladies, you can go about your daily business with little to no interuption. Although I can not say my nausea, heartburn, and migraines have been nearly as bad as some others, they have definitely been a struggle.

I am NOT superwoman as much as I'd like to be and therefore blogging sort of hit the back burner.

BUT now that I've hit my second trimester and I clearly have a few interesting things to talk about, or so I think, I hope to be back more often.

I will be back with a few funny stories of trying to hide the fact that I was nauseated for several weeks from my coworkers. Oh was it ever interesting.

Outlet

2009-04-15T09:51:00.002-05:00

It's been a while... too long in fact and although I'd like to say I still think about blogging every day, I wouldn't be telling the truth. Life has become too busy and chaotic. But when I do think of it, I remember what fun it is to share my thoughts and dreams or to just attempt to make someone smile.

I will share more about the craziness that has ensued shortly... like within the month. And hopefully I will be back to post a little more regularly but for today I just need to use this as an outlet.

Last night I had one of those dreams... Those heart wrenching horrible, scary dreams that linger. When you wake up it feels real and its nearly impossible to shake. I wish I could make it go away right now although I know eventually it will.

My father, although a great man, is far from perfect and he's having a rough time right now. It affects the family more than he realizes, even from far away. But to dream that he passed on is too much for me to handle right now. There is too much unforgiveness and uncertainty surrounding him. I was hysterical in my dream and I awoke to feeling like I balled my eyes out all night. Hopefully this will soon go away but in the mean time, I'm debating on whether or not I should have a good talk with him...

Reason number 592 I should not live in an apartment

2009-03-24T06:43:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I came home from work to find a note on my door that said maintenance would be entering our apartment to install this this and this. Normally this is okay because normally they give you at least a week's notice. Not this time. The day they start entering apartments is today. Not okay.

Tuesday Update

2009-03-17T20:35:00.003-05:00

A little update...

1. There has been an overabundance of poop in my midst as of late. No I am not hiding a baby in my apartment. But I do have 2 very mischievous pups who decided it would be a very good idea to eat 5 or so pounds of dog food while we were away one day. And of course I wouldn't have forgotten to put the food up before locking them in the bathroom with it.

Needless to say we came home to 2 very fat puppies who had made quite the mess. I'll spare you the details.

2. Wedding plans are going okay but are no where where they need to be. Partly because my mind is too full to think but mostly because I work 9 hour days and drive home and make dinner and then eat dinner and put it away... And by that time I'm either way too tired to move or it's time for bed.

3. I'm learning that work is well...work. That's really all there is to it. It sucks up time and a lot of it and during that time, you do your job. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind my job but going from working at home and a ton of flexibility to 9 hour days, 5 days a week is a lot... And I'm not adjusting well.

4. Jury Duty has been exhilarating thus far... I just call in after 6 and find out whether they need my panel or not. Haven't been called in yet.

5. My birthday is in a week and I think this is the first year I'm really not excited about it. I'm still young by most standards... but I am finally enjoying just being my age and its slipping away from me.

6. I have become horrible at keeping up with technology. I never respond to facebook messages, don't empty my email, and I obviously haven't blogged in a while... But I do miss it. a lot.

So really,... Nothing TOO exciting... at least that I can mention here at this point in time. But I promise if you stick around, you will have some interesting reading in the near future.

Long days are usually a bad thing

2009-02-26T21:59:00.003-06:00

Today was a very long day where I accomplished next to nothing. This morning I woke up pretty sick with a sinus infection. I decided I HAD to go to work at least to complete one of my most important tasks and then go home. I made it until noon and was told several times that I needed to go home earlier. Pretty sure my face has blown up like a balloon and my eyes are sinking back into my head. It's really a painful process.

The whole point of going home was to rest, right? Well I tried... and tried... and tried... Could not fall asleep. Took some meds. Ate some soup. Could not fall asleep. Eventually I got up and did some things around the house because it's pointless to rest when you're restless.

I baked a cake for my sort of boss's b-day tomorrow. (No worries... I sanitized everything and washed my hands every 2.2 seconds.) And in the midst of sanitizing the kitchen, prior to the cake baking, our messed up pup decided to pee. And of course it wasn't just in one place. He peed on the floor in several places, on some paper, on my dustpan, on my shoe, on my husband's pant leg. (Yes, he was wearing the pants at the time.) It was just all bad. I keep trying to tell my hubby we can't live like this but he is insistent that we keep this dog.

A little background... We got him from a pound and are 99% sure he was abused. He was also an outdoor dog and has no problem being covered in pee and therefore likes to take opportunities to pee on himself in his crate.

Its really sad. I feel bad for the poor thing. But my patience is wearing thin and I am not home enough to retrain him.

Soon we hope to have a fenced in back yard. I think that will save my life. Well, at least the part about having to clean up after a pup all the time.

When life gets busy and boring...

2009-02-23T06:55:00.002-06:00

Okay , let's face it. My life as gotten pretty boring. I get up at 6:30 or 7, leave for work at 7:30. Work 8-5. Get home at 5:30. Clean and cook. Watch a show with my husband. Go to bed and the day starts all over again.

I don't really have time for anything exciting and therefore nothing really exciting happens. Aside from not having time to blog, I really don't have anything interesting to tell you unless you care to know that I couldn't sleep last night because it felt like my tonsils were going to bust out of my throat. Or that every 5 minutes my hubby's dog felt the need to shake in his cage even after I yelled at him profusely. Or that I can't sleep on my left arm because I pulled something 2 weeks ago and it throbs when I fall asleep on it. But that still wouldn't be very interesting.

I'm hoping things will get a little more interesting at some point because all work and no play makes me a dull girl.

Any ideas on things I CAN blog about until life DOES get interesting again?

25 things

2009-02-21T08:16:00.001-06:00

1. I have been up since 5 am which NEVER happens except when I have to use the restroom.
2. I set 3 alarms to wake up and then usually reset them to sleep even longer.
3. I love blogging.
4. And I used to be fairly good at keeping up with it.
5. Then I got a new job which I absolutely love.
5. But never thought I would be doing something accounting related. I'll just keep telling myself it's business management.
6. Singing is one of my greatest passions.
7. I've never gone a day without busting into song at some point.
8. Usually my husband has to tell me what the actual words to the song are. He's like a walking Karaoke machine. And me? I just like to sing what I think the words are. It drives him nuts!
9. I haven't seen my husband on my birthday for 3 years. He was overseas for 2 of them.
10. I have the great privilege of marrying the most amazing man in the world twice. Our big wedding celebration is coming up.
11. I learned recently that I can not decorate in my head... Let me explain. I need to see the fabric, color, decorations, and move them and put them together. I can't just tell someone what I want...
12. I love to bake and decorate cakes.
13. But its on the rare occasion that I have the time anymore.
14. I've moved about 10 times in the last 4 years.
15. I like new places and new people, but I hate lugging all my stuff around.
16. I hate socks and wish I could go barefoot everywhere.
17. I also am not a fan of feet so in one way that poses a problem.
18. When I was 5 or 6 I missed the bus several times because I spent too much time trying to get my socks on so that the thread by the toe part didn't go under my feet.
19. I still hate when socks slide or the bump goes under my feet. Yuck.
20. I am a country girl at heart.
21. I would give anything to go four-wheeling on a muddy trail again.
22. I wish I could go everywhere on horse. No joke. Cars are just very faulty and expensive and in this area, DANGEROUS. I feel like I'm putting my life on the line when I drive around here. And horses are just really amazing animals...
23. I have one friend that has been my best friend for 22 years. We rarely talk anymore but we will always be there for each other.
24. Sometimes I really miss NY and some of the people there.
25. But then I realize that I really like it here too.

Conflicting Priorities

2009-02-13T21:54:00.002-06:00

Today I felt something I hadn't felt in a very long time. Although my priorities have never been exactly where they should be, today I realized just how off they are. Work has somehow made it to the top of my list.

Work. You know, a job. The place where one spends the majority of their life. Where I am from 8-5 Monday through Friday. A something instead of a someone.

Being temp to hire has just naturally done that to me. And the fact that I have no insurance and have some fairly pressing reasons to go to a dentist/doctor doesn't help matters. I'm pushing the limit to get to my 520 hours with the hope that I will be hired full time.

When it comes to decisions about spending time with a friend or co-workers, I've gone the co-worker route because I want to be hired and I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

I understand this is probably very flawed ideology. People are much more important than a job. I know this and I was blessed to be able to work from home and have the time to spend with friends but that is not my current situation. I don't like that I've been this way but it is difficult to see another option. Sure I can do lunch with friends when I am able and meet them after work. I've done some of that but it also takes the little time I have with my hubby away. This is yet a new battle that I'm sure will work itself out or I just grin and bear it for the next 2 months and do the best I can. Either way, my heart is with my husband and my friends, even when my actions don't show it.

If walls could talk

2009-02-10T17:48:00.002-06:00

If walls could talk, I'm sure they'd have a lot to say about me... So allow me to let you enter the real me for a few moments.

Here's what they'd probably say.

1. She tries real hard to keep up with the laundry. It rarely happens.
2. She tries to stay on top of the dishes but with a broken dish washer and a lot of cooking, she rarely succeeds.
3. She loves everything to have a place but when places run out their place becomes the couch or closet.
4. She stresses way too much about things that really don't matter in the long run.
5. She doesn't always enjoy the simple things.

If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm not perfect and I completely struggle with trying to be perfect.

I try to live one day at a time and only be concerned for that day's troubles but when life happens it becomes increasingly impossible.

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone in this. That other people just have it together. But I forget that they're human too and it is rare for someone to have it all together.

So if you find yourself looking around your house wishing you could snap your fingers and have your windows sparkle and floors completely clean... Or that you could clap your hands and all your worries and doubts and struggles would vanish.... You are not alone.

The end of the world as I know it

2009-02-06T06:39:00.002-06:00

Things are changing in our household. God is definitely trying to move us in a new direction. We're more than likely going to be moving to a house about 40 minutes from where we live now. I started a new job. My hubby has a couple bites on a new job. There are changes that are so blatantly obvious I didn't even miss them this time.

Of course at this point my fear kicks in. Well what if my car breaks down and I don't have a vehicle to get me to work? Or what if I just can't get up an extra 40 minutes earlier to get to work on time. Or what if it is the wrong decision?

I am constantly plagued with this annoying voice in my head telling me it's NOT going to be okay when I know deep down it will. Change is good and normally I enjoy it and adjust quickly. But resistance is knocking at my door this time.

The dreaded plateau

2009-02-01T09:53:00.002-06:00

I absolutely hate dieting. Somehow even the thought of dieting makes me hungry and that perpetual feeling all while I'm trying to lose weight is enough to put me over the edge.

I work out at Curves and they decided to offer their nutrition program for free. All I had to do was give them three friends' names and I got the book free as well. It seemed like a great idea at the time. I want to lose some weight before the big wedding in 3.5 months and this would give me the accountability I need. Also, I've had a really hard time losing lately. My body just wants to stay at the same weight.

And although I lost 6 pounds the first week the last time I did this diet, pretty sure it was maybe 3 pounds, if that, this week. And....I'm....hungry.... So I'm hoping and praying that the dreaded trend of my body doing everything it can to fight me back and keep the weight it has will go away.

The good side so far...

1. I feel better.
2. I have been able to work out without getting dizzy. (unless I don't drink water but that's just dumb)
3. The area where I never used to gain weight but have been lately is shrinking.
4. My hips are feeling a little tighter (from working out).

Words of Advice...

1. Don't ever start a diet the week before you're going to retain extra water. Your body will hold much of that extra water you're drinking where normally you'd lose it. Those few pounds may be enough to encourage you to stick with the weight loss plan.

2. Don't start working out consistently the same week you start dieting. You can, but again those 2 lbs that turned from fat to muscle don't show up on the scale and you won't see what you've lost. Try to start working out a few weeks before.

3. DON'T decide to start dieting randomly when you've been craving something for a week. I WANT CHOCOLATE CAKE!!! ;) Anytime you see that item or smell it or walk by something similar, you'll crave like crazy.

The good thing about the diet I'm doing is that I don't have to starve myself very long.

It's 1200 calories for 7 days
1500 calories for 21 days
Then the normal 2000 calories for a couple weeks

And if you haven't reached your goal, you start over again. This supposedly helps break the plateaus and boosts your metabolism.

Not Me!

2009-01-26T13:06:00.003-06:00

It is Monday and for those of you who frequent MckMama's Blog, you know that that means its "Not Me!" day. I've decided to participate this week and if I can think of more than one or two things, maybe I will make it a weekly or every other week occurance...we'll see!

I have decided from now on, I'm going to purchase the Sunday paper and clip coupons. Of course I wouldn't just clip the coupons and throw the rest of the paper in the trash without even glancing at the headlines. Nor would I leave the coupons in a pile without organizing them until 5 minutes before I wanted to go grocery shopping, a week later. And of course I wouldn't only end up using 3 coupons when I have hundreds... Not me!

I did not only purchase groceries that fit into my new nutrition plan so that my husband would have no choice but to eat healthier with me... I would never...

I didn't forget to lock the file cabinets that are filled with very confidential, personal information at work after being told that that is one of the most important tasks I need to complete each and every day.

I would never yell very mean things at my husband for waking me up when he got home at 5 in the morning after only falling asleep 3 hours earlier. Nor would I outright blame him for my recent inability to fall asleep. I promise, my subconscious can get horrible while I'm sleeping.

If you want to participate or check out the rules, go to MckMama's Blog and link up!

Random Picture Challenge 3.0

2009-01-25T08:40:00.003-06:00

4 Little Men and Girly Twins started another random picture challenge. Go to her page and link up if you'd like to join in!

August 2007 photos

Pick the 30th picture

Talk about it

I babysat this little girl A LOT and her parents gave us passes to go to the zoo! It was a blast except her sleepiness set in right when we were cooling off with popsicles and she dropped it all over herself and threw a tantrum. Figures.

But she was adorable, all the "ooos" and sometimes little screams because something scared her. In the above picture, she was about to chase the geese.

(People also thought she was my daughter because we look similar. THAT was interesting.)

What if... (I may have tagged you)

2009-01-23T22:18:00.005-06:00

Do you ever think about a major decision you had to make and wonder what would have happened if you had chosen differently? Where would that leave you? What would you be doing?

People will more than likely tell you not to think about past decisions. They will say that it can cause you to have regrets or that you can not change what has happened in the past. But every now and then I like to let my mind wander. Call it unhealthy. Call it crazy. But I can't help it.

I often think about my decision to go to Belmont. I mean, there was really no substance to it. At my new job, many ask why I chose to go to school across the country, why I chose to go to Belmont University. And quite frankly, as much as I have an answer I really have no earthly idea.

*************************

I used to have it all figured out, or so I thought.

Goal. Work for that goal. Achieve that goal. New Goal. Work for that goal. Achieve it. I think you get my drift. That's how we're taught, how our minds are molded from a young age, particularly with school. The goal is to go to Kindergarten and pass. To study, do decent on the test, and pass. Then the next grade and the next test. Goal after goal after goal.

Then it came time to make my decision about college. I was good at a lot of things and I liked a lot of things and I struggled because I always had a plan and the plan ran out. I didn't know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. Then an opportunity presented itself for me to go to Belmont and audition. So I did. I freaked out and had a terrible audition but when I stepped on that campus, I felt at home. I knew without any doubt I was supposed to go there. I had one back up school. ONE. And I did well at that audition but it just didn't feel right.

**********************

I just knew where I was meant to be.

But what if... What if I had stayed in NY? What if I hadn't left and decided to go with my back up school?

I wouldn't have met my husband or married him. I would be much further in debt than I am now because of the tuition/tax/housing/scholarship differences. I wouldn't have been a part of an amazing church here or worked in the music industry in the same capacity as I have over the past few years. I probably never would have found out that Music Row is nothing exciting. It's a bunch of houses and buildings and at the end is this strange naked statue that makes me uncomfortable. I wouldn't have my puppies. I wouldn't have made the horrible decision to live with my best friend and end up destroying a relationship. (Or maybe I would have.) I wouldn't have had to spend 15 months away from the man I love and all the other residuals that came with that. But on the same token I wouldn't have learned and grown and matured through the brokenness that those difficult times provoked.

Sure I would have learned lessons and would have probably grown in other ways, but I have to say that I am still 100% satisfied with my decision and thinking about it doesn't change that.

Thinking about past decisions can help you realize how important that decision was or help you learn from it. I would have spent 4 years in a horrible school, if that was the case, just to meet my hubby. Luckily I got to meet him and had a great college experience.

So I'm going to do some tagging because I am curious.

Here are the rules.

1. Think about a major decision you have made.

2. Tell your readers why you chose the way you did.

3. Talk about what happened as a result and try to find something positive.

4. Bring up something that would have or wouldn't have happened had you chosen another way.

5. Tag at least 3 people.

6. Link back to the person who tagged you.

I'm tagging...

1. The Mister at The Mister (creative I know)

2. Pam at The Weber's (not to be confused with Pamela)

3. Pamela at The Dayton Time (not to be confused with Pam)

4. Runningamuck

Being humbled through the jelloing of my mind

2009-01-22T17:57:00.002-06:00

The new job is great. I like the people I work with and the work itself keeps me occupied every second of the day. If you know me, you know this is a good thing because I get bored easily, especially when it comes to jobs. But my mind hurts. I don't think any number of classes could have prepared me for the millions of details in this business.

I am a perfectionist to the very core and typically catch on pretty quick. Making a mistake once is difficult for me to swallow, but making the same mistake twice drives me insane. If I told you how many mistakes I made today,...well, I probably couldn't even count them. I'm learning to admit that I am wrong not once or twice but dozens of times each hour.

Will it all ever click?

Who knows, maybe its a good thing for it to not all click because then I will constantly be challenged and not have the opportunity to get bored.

Can anyone relate?

The Stranger on my couch

2009-01-19T13:10:00.003-06:00

This morning I peeled myself out of bed around 6:30 a.m. I know I know I shouldn't complain. There are people who get up much earlier in the morning, but I absolutely positively can not handle mornings. I have to set 3 or more alarms. No joke. And you better believe I hit the snooze on each one of them several times.

My poor husband... Once he wakes up, he's pretty much doomed to be awake. And me blasting "Look at the stars, look how they shine for you..." at least 4 times every morning because I don't want to wake up does not help his sleep situation. (Yeah, I know "Yellow" is probably not the best ring tone in the world. I got it a year ago because it was taking forever to find a song I liked. I got impatient and well, that's the only ringtone I have. Maybe someday I'll fix it but probably not.)

So anyway, my husband had an army friend in town this weekend. Don't get me wrong, I love having guests and entertaining, but it was a bit much considering I had a lot of cleaning to catch up on and had just started a new job. And its also VERY akward when you have to get up first thing in the morning and do everything you need to do to get ready in your bathroom.

We're in a one bedroom apartment and the kitchen, living room, and dining room are all in one area and then there's the hall and the bedroom and bathroom on the other side. The "stranger" was on the couch which meant I could not use the living room, kitchen, or dining room. And my hubby was sleeping in the bedroom which meant the only room I had left was the bathroom, the lovely small bathroom equipped with a washer and dryer.

On the positive side, I got ready in record time for the morning because everything was ready and I wasn't able to diddle daddle in another room. I was confined. And I guess one morning of ~~not being able to walk naked through my house if I so choose~~ confinement isn't so bad.

I keep telling myself that I will become a morning person once I have children, because that's what everyone else tells me. But to be completely honest, I really can not see myself ever enjoying mornings.

One of these days I will beat Pamela to the tagging

2009-01-14T18:49:00.004-06:00

Oh yes, I will. And it will be a wonderful day because then she will have no other choice but to blog what I tell her to blog because I have blogged what she has told me to blog.

Anyway, Pamela at The Dayton Time tagged me and since this week consists of a lot of adjusting and ZERO time, this is just what I needed!

The Rules are...

1. Go to your Documents.

2. Go to the 6th File.

3. Click on your 6th picture.

4. Blog about it.

5. Pick 6 friends to do the same.

This is a photo of me at at friend's wedding. It was my first time being in someone's wedding. (Well, I sang for my cousin's wedding, but I guess that doesn't really count.) And soon...my big wedding! I'm super excited!

And if you need a meme or a break from your everyday posting, consider yourself tagged. Just let me know if you do so that I can check it out!

How many times can I use the word "brilliant" in one post?

2009-01-12T21:25:00.004-06:00

I would love to give you a brilliant post to read filled with entertainment and wit, but my brain is fried. Today was my first day in my new job and back in an office. It was my first day working in a corporate atmosphere.

There was not one moment in my day where my brain was not being exercised. This was/is probably a good thing but my brain is a bit rusty. Can a brain be rusty? I must be tired.

Oh, but I did experience one very cool thing today, I mean besides the thrill of my first day at my new job. I went to a bagel shop for lunch and there were several handicapped employees who served me. They were brilliant and made me smile. Those working with them were very happy as well. Kudos to the owner/manager of Bagelworks and Perks for supporting and giving opportunity to those brilliant individuals. No really, they are brilliant and sometimes I think they have a better grasp on life and happiness than I ever will.

The Random Picture Challenge

2009-01-10T22:49:00.003-06:00

I found this on Married to the Military's page but she got it from 4 Little Men and Girly Twins.

Just go into your photos and click on your May folder. Then post the 21st picture.

Here is mine!

This is at the base about a week after my hubby came home from Iraq. We wanted to greet some of our friends that were coming in. (They typically send them home in several groups.) It's such a relief to have him home and out of the army!

And don't forget to link up!

Small town girl and my two worlds

2009-01-10T00:01:00.000-06:00

I grew up in a small town where everyone knew everything about everyone and most of the time what they knew wasn't true. Then, I ventured off to college 4 states away and have managed to stay put for now. I haven't seen, heard, or spoken to most people from my High School. In fact, I can honestly say I talk to 2 and its not typically on a normal basis.

Tonight I broke that pattern and had the chance to talk to someone I haven't seen in 4.5 years. Its amazing what can happen when you're away that you don't find out about until years after its happened. I generally expect to get wind of any juicy stories because again everyoneknowseverythingabouteveryone in this small town and I still have family and a few friends there.

Oh yes, and by the way... I apparently do heroin or something. And no I don't really do heroin. I actually have never even picked up a cigarette. But someone told so and so who told someone who proceeded to tell someone else... I think you get the idea. NO I DO NOT NOR WILL I EVER SMOKE OR INJECT THINGS INTO MY BODY WITH NEEDLES thankyouverymuch. Don't you love rumors?

Well anyways... This person that I spoke to has had serious health issues for the past year and a half. She's young, very young and it breaks my heart that she has had to go through so much and that I just really had no idea. I mean these health issues could have taken her life, easily. And I find myself wishing I could be there for her.

Sometimes I also wish I could be there when things go haywire with my family or another friend. I wonder what my purpose is for being where I am right now. Then I realize that if I were back in that small town, I'd want to be there for my friends and adopted family here.

My two worlds are beginning to collide.

Staffing Agencies are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and you will find a job if you're looking

2009-01-08T10:18:00.004-06:00

I graduated college a year ago last month. I was blessed to have friends and mentors in my industry and work with and for them this year. But all while I was working with them, I was looking for a job that was fulfilling and made my degree feel worth while. Not that working with them wasn't a great experience. I learned a lot, but I knew it was temporary.

I've applied for a lot of companies, most of which I never heard back from. On top of the job market being horrible and the economy in shambles, the area I live in is way over-saturated with people holding the same degree or no degree and much more experience. It posed a real challenge for me.

I grew up in a small town. I was a big fish in a pond. When I moved to a city filled with hundreds of thousands of people with similar goals as me, I relocated myself to the ocean. (Please forgive the analogy, it's the simplest way to explain the situation.)

Feeling completely incompetent after working 3 jobs throughout college to pay for a $100,000 education so that you can have good experiences and get a good job, not so great. Rejection = No Fun

After pushing for a particular company for several months, I finally threw in the hat. Putting all your eggs in one basket is not always such a good idea. I really believed that was what I was supposed to do. The company is very well known and has great principles. I really wanted to work there, but their hiring process sucks. I interviewed twice with 2 different divisions. One time I was in the top 3 for the job and the other, they basically told me I was too smart for the position. You'd think they want smart people, right?

Anyway, a good friend of mine works for that company and she tried to help me find a job there. It just wasn't meant to be. The same friend gave me her contact at a staffing agency. I was reluctant to try it for a really long time. "How are these people going to find me a job that I will like? I can do it on my own." Boy oh boy was I wrong.

I interviewed with the contact last Tuesday, the 30th. I got called about a possible job on Monday the 5th, less than a week. I submitted my resume and heard back within a couple hours. They wanted to interview me. There were a couple random issues thrown in the mix with our interview time/day but we settled in on Wednesday at 1:30. The interview went over an hour and I got a call an hour after that. And now, I have a job. The staffing agency found me a job in one week.

Now I will say for those thinking about trying out a staffing agency, my case may or may not be rare. It depends on your contact and the agency. But I have to say that my experience has been wonderful and I HIGHLY recommend it.

Hopefully there will be even more news and clarity on life later today! My hubby has an interview as well!

I have teeth!

2009-01-06T11:54:00.004-06:00

Braces came off today!

Interview tomorrow morning!

Spa Day (Christmas gift) on Saturday!

I will post more pictures when blogger decides to let me again! And yes, that is my Christmas tree and no it is not coming down for a little while longer. I didn't get to enjoy the holidays because I was so busy so I'm going to enjoy them now! :)

I can smile... for the first time in over 20 years!

I love good days

2009-01-06T00:12:00.000-06:00

So basically... I lied, but not on purpose! I didn't actually have Jury Duty today, although I won't feel bad if I am dismissed when I go in in March after spending around 2 hours or so there today plus whatever time it takes to interview and call every night to see if my panel is up. Pffshew! That was a long sentence and probably a run on. Sorry Mrs. Buford. You tried to teach me English but alas I am still not perfect.

Anyway, today is a good day so you'll have to excuse my ~~humor~~ attempt at humor.

1. The wait was only 1 hr 15 minutes to get my panel selection for jury duty.

2. I did not have to deal with 100s of very upset people who had to "waste their time" to do their civil duty. The clerks had it the worst. :(

3. I got a call about a potential job opportunity.

4. I got a call saying there was a cancellation this week so I could get my braces off Wednesday at 2:15.

5. I had fajitas for lunch. (I haven't had a fajita in a LONG time. Mmm)

6. I got a call from the orthodontist's office again saying they had made a mistake with my appt on Wednesday. They didn't have enough time, BUT there is an available appointment tomorrow at 9:45 am! Woohoo!

7. I got another call saying the company selected me for an interview!

8. I got to talk to an amazing friend. Unfortunately her day was not going so well.

9. I enjoyed the evening with my husband who surprised me with a bar of Dove Chocolate. (The best kind there is in my opinion)

You MUST try this - Seventh Generation

2009-01-04T11:40:00.004-06:00

I live in an apartment and let's just say the shower area is worn and a worn shower means more soap scum and all kinds of gross things that make their home in my shower. It makes me want to wear flip flops in my own shower! Yuck! I've tried varying products including bleach, baking soda, and tub cleaners. Nothing got the gunk off. NOTHING! I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed.

So I'm at Walgreens yesterday and saw a product that was on sale for a dollar and nineteen cents. 1.19 for 32 FL oz of natural cleaning product. They had me. I bought a tile and tub and an all purpose cleaner. I wasn't convinced that it was going to do anything special for me but I thought it was worth a try and since I was out of cleaning product, a dollar nineteen sounded pretty good.

This morning I sprayed my shower. I walked back 2-3 minutes later and started wiping my shower. All the gunk was loose and came off with little to no scrubbing. Then I thought to myself, "If it loosened junk I had spent months scrubbing, I wonder if it can get the stains from past residents out from in between the tiles?" And what do you know? The grout is white again. Years and years of stains...gone.

I haven't tried the All-Purpose Cleaner yet, but I am SO tempted to go back to Walgreens and buy 10 more of each product because who can beat that price for something that actually works and won't harm me or my pets?

It's free of perfumes and dyes, hypo-allergenic, and they tell you exactly what they put in their products. ALL the ingredients are listed on their labels.

So go to Walgreens while its still on sale and try it!

P.S. If you join their site, there are coupons as well!

Let the fun begin

2009-01-03T10:06:00.002-06:00

I am told that prior to your wedding or the "big day" many have nightmares. Everything from your husband actually being someone else, your dress tearing, no one showing up, and varying other sorts of madness.

For some reason I thought I would be exempt from this crazy phenomenon. After all, I'm technically already married and I LOVE the thrill of chaos coming together, love to plan. Well, I guess I was wrong. I just had a dream that nothing was actually done before the wedding. On the day of my wedding I had to find flowers, have my dress finished, make sure the pastor knew he was supposed to marry us, and interrupt someone else's reception to tell the coordinator our food selection. I mean, crazy stuff! So let's just say I am going to be calling some people this week and buckling down on plans because I really don't want to have to do anything but get ready and look pretty on that day.

Our Happy Tales

2009-01-02T23:04:00.003-06:00

You know how most normal people like most puppies? The cute perfect little ones that are plump and healthy? Some feel sorry for the runts, but most choose one of the others in the litter because they are generally strong and healthy.

Well, we here at our home LOVE puppies but we don't go for the typical "cute perfect" ones, we like the special ones.

I picked our first little pup from Happy Tales Humane. We had been looking for months and months because well hubby was going to Iraq for 15 months and I needed something to cuddle and keep me company. Humans just don't always do the trick. I walked into Happy Tales on a weekday which is usually slim pickins in the pup department, but when I walked in, this little black pup covered in white flakes wagged her entire body when she saw me. She was darling and picked me. I took her home with me that day.

What I didn't know at that time was that she was sick, very sick. To make a long story short, I went through heck doing everything I could to keep her alive and try to find a vet that would help. All the vets except one told me to put her down. Bear in mind this is about a month after my husband left. I was not about to give up. After a lot of prayer and the vet that actually cared even giving up, I decided to pull her off her 5 meds and see what happened. She is now one of the healthiest, happiest, most stubborn (where could she possibly have picked that up) pups I've ever seen.*

And the new project??? We were at the puppy park one day when our pup noticed another that looked just like her! (The dog pound is right next to the park and they walk the pound dogs by the park area.) Hubby and I went in and he fell in love with the dog. I was hesitant at first, but agreed to start feeding pup 1 a much less expensive brand of food so we could afford the new one. He's my husband's dog so of course he would pick a name like Jackson. (Hubby has a Civil War obsession.)

Jackson is very "special." He was 9 months when we got him and had clearly been abused. Jack was scared to death of Hubby when we first got him and is still skittish at times. He DOES NOT like men. AT ALL. In fact, if cowering or running away weren't enough, when he gets scared he pees. It is a lovely habit that I ~~usually~~ always have to clean up. This makes training and discipline nearly impossible. BLAH! But like with Rudi, I am determined to make this work. He CAN and WILL be trained. It....just...takes...time.... And such is life.

* Happy Tales had no idea she was that sick. In fact, because of my situation, they agreed to pay all of her medical bills and medicines. They are AMAZING!

P.S. I have Jury Duty Monday which will likely initiate some great stories. (At least I hope because I will need to stay entertained somehow.)

Just add Nutmeg

2009-01-01T12:47:00.002-06:00

It has been hit or miss with me and the blog posts lately due to the holidays and my recent discovery that I can survive without my computer! In one way there is A LOT going on and in another, absolutely nothing.

We rolled out of bed around 10:30 this morning after being out through the wee hours of the night. It was worth it to have my hands gripping the steering wheel of a Cadillac for 15 glorious minutes and for the company of good friends, of course. ;)

This morning I decided to whip up some pancakes and cook them on my new Calphalon griddle. Mmm Mmmm Mmmm. The recipe itself was okay. The pancakes turned out a little thin, BUT they enlightened me to adding nutmeg to the batter. You don't need much. This recipe called for 1/8 tsp but it was just the enabler I needed to consume 10 pancakes as if they were water. It also had butter in the recipe and recommended cooking the pancakes on butter instead of oil. Yum. So use your recipe with nutmeg and fry on butter instead of oil. You'll thank me later. (I hope!)

Now for a HUGE cup of steamy hot chocolate and some cuddle time with the pups and hubby.

Enjoying it while I can because tomorrow I will need to decrease my hot chocolate intake significantly and be productive and proactive.

I Survived 24 hours in a car, no computer, and a non-stop eating frenzy

2008-12-28T23:03:00.002-06:00

I'm hungry all the time, my stomach is beginning to hang out my pants, and my clothes are fitting tight. 4 days of the family pumping sugar and all sorts of amazing foods full of saturated fat in my belly via my ~~veins~~ mouth, no wonder. My stomach has stretched so much that I get hungry 20 minutes after a large meal. Gotta love the holidays!

Short aside... Is this what its like when you're preggers? Because I do not know how I will be able to control my eating if I can't even do it for a few days during the holidays. (P.S. I am not preggers)

Starting January 2nd, I will be back at Curves working off the 3 10 pounds I gained in one week. PLUS losing extra, I hope, to get in shape for the wedding celebration in May. My goals are to shed 15 pounds and tone my arms and belly although I refuse to call it a "New Years Resolution." Slap those 3 words in front of any sort of goal and I am bound to fail.

I also survived my 4 days without a computer. I THOUGHT I would miss it, but quite honestly I didn't. In those 96 hours, the computer only crossed my mind twice. I even made my mom look something up for me to avoid breaching the commitment I made to myself. And so life does go on without a computer, believe it or not! (I was skeptical ;) )

Merry Christmas and Computerless

2008-12-22T08:20:00.003-06:00

I work on my computer for a minimum of 8 hours a day. I play on my computer. I check my email on my computer. I blog on my computer. I put all my photos on my computer and crop them and print them and... and...

Okay, I think you get my drift. It's hard for me to even put my computer down anymore. SO I have decided to go computerless from Wednesday til Sunday. It's not very long and I think I can do it! I can't remember the last time I have gone a day, muchless four, without checking my email or facebook or blog or myspace or...

It's Christmas and I am going to enjoy that time with my new and "old" fam.

We're traveling 12 hours to my home and on the way seeing my hubby's family. I can not wait! Except that the weather is supposed to be BAD, really bad and although my hubby is not used to driving in the snow, he insists on driving. Sigh. Men.

So anyway, Merry Christmas! Enjoy this time with your friends and family! And in all the hustle and bustle don't forget the reason we celebrate Christmas, Jesus' birth.

P.S. I stole this picture from a friend... THIS is where we're going!

Guess we get to see some real snow after all.

Fairy Tales and Reality IV

2008-12-19T05:45:00.001-06:00

First Read...

Fairy Tales and Reality I

Fairy Tales and Reality II

Fairy Tales and Reality III

My eyes gazed at the list. I rubbed the sleepiness out of them with my fingers and searched frantically for my name. I flipped through the pages and just didn't see it.

When we're nervous and frantic somehow we miss the obvious.

Someone eventually pointed to their name which was right below... MINE... AT THE VERY TOP! In my second production with Mrs. Buford, I scored the lead!

*********************************

I am not the most confident person in the world, and I was far from cool in High School. I was lucky to have a friend or two at a time at that school. Because of that and my perfectionist type A personality, I was super hard on myself all the time.

For once in my life, I had the opportunity to not have all that pressure on myself. Yes, I wanted to do the best I possibly could as Rosalind, but I eventually sort of melded into her. So for those ~~2-3~~ 6 hours of practice each night, I could be someone else. I didn't have all those extra pressures on me. It was wonderful. I could pretend to be in love and pretend to experience it like a little girl twirling in her dress up clothes or playing barbies. I was that little girl again, I was free.

Until... the kiss... which I will explain at a later date.

One of those mornings - my apartment smells like burnt cloth

2008-12-18T09:32:00.003-06:00

I am sitting on the floor just minding my own business getting a shoulder rub from my hubby because when I'm sick, my shoulders hurt like the dickens. (Does anyone say that anymore?)

I had asked him if he minded starting the kettle for some tea but instructed him to add water and be sure to put it on the big burner. I was sitting in front of him working when I started to smell burning. Eventually I got up and walked to the kitchen. I saw red and orange and smoke. It was not good.

The tea kettle was sitting on the small burner which was on high. When I picked it up there was no water in it. (Mind you the kettle had maybe been on 5 minutes!) Next to the kettle on the counter was the oven mit I used for the chili last night and in front of that was the spoon I used to serve the chili. The mit was singed and still singeing and the handle to the spoon had melted. These items weren't even that close to the burner. I didn't panic. I just called my hubby's name and told him he needed to see what happened. Then handed him the mit and told him to throw it in the fireplace. Sigh. I do things like this too... Can't be mad at him.

In fact, I was so distracted last night that I forgot to put away the yummy chili I made and the fresh homemade loaf of bread. I managed to save the bread but the chili? Meat sitting out all night in tomato sauce is just not salvageable. :( I hate to waste things!

Oh well. Just one of those mornings I suppose.

Fairy Tales and Reality III

2008-12-18T05:24:00.001-06:00

First Read...

Fairy Tales and Reality I

Fairy Tales and Reality II

If you've never experienced that overwhelming feeling of having to wait 3 days to find out what part you got in the school play or if you even got a part, you're missing out. It's pretty nerve-racking. Forget sleeping... It just doesn't happen.

And of course, although 3 days is the promise, it really never works out that way. And sometimes the parts are posted at the beginning of the day and sometimes they're posted at the end of the day. And sometimes your friends get to it before you can and as much as you want to ditch class and go see the list, you are too much of a goody too shoes to do that. So you get the lav pass and shimmy down there instead or not...

********************************

Practice was going to start that night for those that got parts. By this point in time I was so tired and shaken up that I just wanted to see the list and go to bed. Forget classes, forget practice, just tell me if I got the dang part or not. By the end of the day the list was up.

Part of me wanted to run down the hall around the corner down the stairs and around the next corner as fast as I possibly could. The other part of me wanted to just procrastinate and eventually drag myself down. (I know, you'd think after 2 or 3 nights without sleep I wouldn't want to way any longer.)

So I chose to take deep breaths and go at a decent pace. Thump. Thump. Thump. Stopped at my locker. Thump. Thump. Thump. Faster and faster. The wall was surrounded by those who had auditioned a few days prior. I managed to push my way through and let my eyes wander over the page. "Preston." "Teressa." "Ashley." "James." Where was my name?

to be continued...

Fairy Tales and Reality II

2008-12-17T06:00:00.003-06:00

First Read....

Fairy Tales and Reality I

I am typically pretty good at hiding my nerves. Most people can not tell when I get nervous. But it was just all hanging out there at this point.

As I stood up, my legs were shaking. I heard a crinkling noise and peered down at my hand which was also quivering. Taking a deep breath, I took a step. And then another. I tried telling myself that it wasn't really a big deal. "It wouldn't be the end of the world if I just didn't get a part at all." Life would go on. There was always the musical in a few months. "Breathe. Just breathe. It's going to be over soon."

I walked up the steps and onto the stage. I saw Mrs. Buford staring at me over her glasses. Yes, over them. You know, when they tilt the glasses down and peer over the top. I took one more deep breath, looked at my auditioning partner and tried to keep my composure.

"GULP"

First I had to read the part of Celia and then Rosalind and then Rosalind with Orlando and then Phoebe with someone else...

And there were lots of "forths" and "thees" and "thousts" Good thing I was passionate about Shakespeare and "got" what he was saying.

ROSALIND

Dear Celia, I show more mirth than I am mistress of;
and would you yet I were merrier? Unless you could
teach me to forget a banished father, you must not
learn me how to remember any extraordinary pleasure.

CELIA

Herein I see thou lovest me not with the full weight
that I love thee. If my uncle, thy banished father,
had banished thy uncle, the duke my father, so thou
hadst been still with me, I could have taught my
love to take thy father for mine: so wouldst thou,
if the truth of thy love to me were so righteously
tempered as mine is to thee.

....... (I cut out about 5 more lines)

Exhale... First one done. My attitude changed. "Wow that wasn't so bad," I thought. I had only tripped up 5 or 10... okay maybe 15 words.

By the next group of lines I was nervous again, but not quite so bad.

As soon as it was over, I scurried out of the room. I was just too hyped up to stick around and make small talk. Time to go to my bedroom and wallow and maybe...throw up.

Sigh... I'm already a Junior. "There is just no way I'm EVER going to get the lead in a show. I'm just not good enough. Everyone else is so talented... But gosh, I hope I got it."

Basically the entire night consisted of "Gasp, maybe I got the part. Sigh, there's no way I did. Maybe I got a part? Probably not. I should've done that differently. Boy I botched up that line."

to be continued...

Fairy Tales and Reality I

2008-12-16T16:31:00.004-06:00

I was 16 years old and it was my first real opportunity to get a part in the school play. I received the script about a day before auditions and feverishly studied the lines. I read the entire Shakespearean play and did research on the characters. I was so excited about this opportunity but had no idea whether or not I was good enough to get the part.

***************************************

Our director was different than most. The first underlying rule was that you had to be in a couple productions before you even had a shot at a major role. I had only been in one of her productions and it involved twirling a parasol in the chorus. I think I had one line that I struggled with wanting to do because it involved joking around about tarot cards.

Anyway, the director was not just an english teacher that was just interested in directing plays. She went to school for theatre and lived and breathed it most of her life. This lady was very involved in theatre education and even pursued professional adjudication and competitions for her students and the musical productions.

*************************************

I was pretty much in love with the character of Rosalind in the fall play we were about to do. She was this strong woman, who being banned from the court for her love of Orlando, decided to disguise herself as a man in order to stay safe on her journey. She runs into Orlando in the woods and he doesn't recognize her but he speaks of his love for Rosalind. She agrees to "teach him the lessons of love" if he promises to pretend he(she) is Rosalind and comes to woo him(her) every day. Okay so it sounds really confusing but it is fabulous. Read it or watch it...

***********************************

Where was I? Ah yes... Never in a MILLION years did I think I had a shot at the lead. I couldn't dance to save my life but boy did I love to act. There is just something about being someone else for those 3-4 months that was freeing.

I walked into my audition clasping my script with all my might. (At this point I had the lines memorized.) I sat shaking in my seat watching others recite their lines. "What if I mess up the lines? I am going to make such a fool of myself. What am I thinking? I should just walk out now. I'm not going to get a part." My heart was pounding out my chest.

Then I heard my name called, "DANAE" With my heart now in my stomach and my stomach up in my throat, I stood up. It took everything within me just to swallow at this point. My hand was still grasping the script and I was shaking profusely.

to be continued...

Tele-marketers, Do not Call

2008-12-15T10:55:00.003-06:00

I have received an overwhelming amount of calls from tele-marketers lately. Let me just say that I have become less than civil with them. One company called National Readers Service has called at least two times a day and every time I have told them to take me off their list. I still get the calls. As days go on, I get more and more calls. I answer to get the name because 50% of them are "restricted" numbers.

Now generally I like my cell phone carrier, Verizon, but they charge 5 bucks a month to use the "block this number" feature. I pay plenty every month to use my cell phone, if I want to block a number it shouldn't cost me extra!

So anyway, the National DO NOT CALL list does exist and I got the phone number from the lovely Verizon lady who wanted to charge me $5 a month to individually block every number that keeps calling. I am sharing it with you because it takes 31 days to get the list out and affirm that these people are not going to call you and this is information you should be able to access freely.

1-888-382-1222

It took me 3 minutes to get my number on the list, if that.

3 minutes to prevent 20-30 random phone calls each week... Probably worth it. Just saying...

Baby on the Brain

2008-12-13T15:19:00.002-06:00

For some reason no one my age really talks about this and thus I found myself hesitant to bring it up. I don't know why, it's not like some big secret or anything.

I have "baby" on my brain. I feel like everywhere I go lately, I am surrounded by babies!

My hubby and I met for lunch yesterday at Moes. We were sitting across from each other in a booth when I noticed there was a grandma and a baby at the table next to us. I watched another family with a baby walk by. There was a baby at the table behind me and one at the table behind my hubby. I was surrounded. They were all very quiet, but I noticed ALL of them.

At least 10 friends/acquaintances are either pregnant, had a baby last month, or are due in about 4-5 months. No joke. They're in clusters within weeks of each other. It's crazy.

I've been babysitting on the weekends again lately. Last weekend it was for a 9 month old and this weekend a 4 month and another 9 month.

I am seriously having to fight myself right now. I want to take one day at a time and enjoy this time alone with my man. I want to enjoy the freedom and focus on the big wedding celebration. I have spent too much of my life wanting to be older or wanting the next thing. Setting goals and then achieving them, setting new goals and then achieving them,... I'm trying to stop the psychological circle here.

But this motherly desire is busting at the seams. I want to experience a pregnancy and have a little one that is a combo of my hubby and I. Sigh.

I hear its hard on the other end too... that even after you have all your children, that desire is still there.

Superwoman Award #2

2008-12-12T16:01:00.003-06:00

I am still undecided about the third award so if you have any suggestions, please let me know. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of AMAZING woman out there, it's just so hard to choose!

Anyway...

The second person awarded is really special. Not special "ed," duh, but one of those people and friends you are really blessed to have in your life. She has 3.5 kiddos (the .5 is the one in the womb) and a hubby that works his tail off and thus is home odd hours sometimes. Aside from keeping up with the laundry, running after children, growing her own garden, canning and freezing her garden, and feeding her family, she is very involved in her church and Habitat for Humanity. She is always willing to lend a helping hand to anyone who needs it, even if it means losing even more sleep. This superwoman somehow finds the time to write wonderful posts that include some of her very interesting and humorous life stories.

As a crazy, perfectionist high schooler I'd walk to her house after school to either hang out or babysit. She would drop everything to share coffee and a conversation with me, thus helping me keep my sanity and put things in perspective. Plus I KNOW I'm not the only one she does this for... I'm really not sure how she finds enough time in the day.

So, this Superwoman goes to none other than...

Starla Jones... JK (I don't know anyone named Starla)

Ahem...

Pamela over at The Dayton Time

Go leave her some comments and love please.

Opportunity versus Security

2008-12-12T12:21:00.003-06:00

I may have a really cool opportunity of which I can not discuss in detail at this point in time. That opportunity may really stretch me and cause me to learn and grow. It would push me outside my limits and boundaries. This could result in something amazing where I would benefit financially and grow in my skills and experience. Or it could result in failure and not a lot of money.

What do I have to lose? Well, potentially my mind, money, time...

What can I gain? Money, experience, skills, personal and professional growth...

Which would you chose and why?

This could all unfold before Christmas... I feel like I'm on the Superman rollercoaster for the first time, climbing up, up, up, up that really high hill knowing that at some point I am going to reach the top. It's exhilarating and exciting but also twists my insides and makes me really nervous. Eventually I can put my hands up and let my stomach fly up into my chest and enjoy the ride, but for now that anticipation is getting the best of me.

Superwoman Award #1

2008-12-11T22:04:00.005-06:00

I did the military wife thing for a little while and it was not easy, but it was probably not nearly as difficult as being a military wife and having little ones. I can't begin to imagine... Needless to say the first "Superwoman Award" goes to a military wife and mother. She has 2 little ones and a newborn and managed to move in the same month she had the baby.

A superwoman doesn't have to be perfect, no one is perfect. But they're able to juggle a lot and still be there for anyone who needs it. They put their family and friends' needs above their own.

The first Superwoman Award goes to...

Mrs. SSgt at Married To The Military

P.S. Can someone help me... I am trying to get Mister Linky attached to that award/photo. I can set up a Mister Linky but not sure how to attach it to the award.

100th Post - Superwoman Award

2008-12-11T05:47:00.001-06:00

Woohoo! I have reached my 100th post!!! Technically it should have happened many moons ago but we're not going to dwell on that. In honor of my 100th post, I have an award for 3 wonderful women!

I call it the Superwoman Award. Okay so these ladies may not be perfect. In fact, they may really struggle from time to time. But overall they work really hard to do their absolute best for their families! I may not know them personally, but from what I can tell they really deserve this!

Here's the catch... I am not going to announce all 3 of them today. One will be announced later today, one tomorrow, and one on Friday. So... you may have to come back to see if you are one of them!

Here's a sneak peak at the award.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-12-10T15:33:00.001-06:00

So I'm not perfect

2008-12-08T10:18:00.001-06:00

Bear with me for a moment please...

Do you ever have that little voice in your head that tells you you are going to mess something up? That the mistake may be minor but a minor mistake will still ruin your entire project?

Going into the printing of the Save the Date Cards I had this overwhelming feeling I was going to mess something up. I checked the grammar and spelling, got outside input and advice, and played with the thing for hours. I perfected the font and the spacing and size of each line. I printed 20 or so practice pages just to try to get it right.

Once everything was to my satisfaction and I checked it 10 more times, I clicked the print button. And clicked it and clicked it and clicked it. One or 2 at a time just to make sure they fed through the printer just right. Crooked Save the Date Cards would just not be acceptable. So here I am very satisfied with them. I loved the elegance and the cool idea I had for them. (Which maybe I'll share later.)

I go on to take care of the pups, get ready for bed, yada yada... An hour goes by. I climb into bed only to find that my hubby is across the entire bed and I had but a small corner. I pushed and pushed and eventually weaseled my way in enough where I might be able to sleep.

Laying in bed about to fall asleep, my heart skipped a beat. OKAY it skipped several beats. Did I...? Did I...? I had to run and see. I knew it meant I may lose my spot on the bed but I just couldn't sleep without checking.

1....2.....3....4....5.........20............30....................60....

Yep... I put the wrong year on 60 Save the Date Cards. I was too tired and upset with myself to cry. But oh did I want to cry.

I got on twitter and asked the advice of my fellow twitterers. They all were very supportive and helpful! I really like the ideas I received and who knows? Maybe these cards needed a little creative touch. As much as I strive towards perfection (another blog for another time), I am not perfect. But I am creative. And as minute as a Save the Date Card is in the scheme of things, it'd still be kinda cool for it to reflect me a little more.

And so people may look at it and go "I bet she messed up and that's why that looks that way" but I don't mind because like the rest of the world, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes.

Saying it out loud makes me feel so much better. I make mistakes. I'm not perfect.

***********************

Being a perfectionist is really overwhelming sometimes. I don't wish that on anyone.

Save the Date Cards - Need Advice!

2008-12-07T18:24:00.003-06:00

Background story...

I always dreamed that my wedding would be fairly large, a huge celebration with all those I love and care about. I wanted to publicly express my love for my soul-mate. I wanted to share this time in our lives with people. It was and is really important to me.

When the news came that his deployment was bumped 9 months earlier than I expected, I was devastated and confused. After much prayer, we decided to go ahead and have a small wedding and then have a big celebration when he returned from the 15 month deployment.

Well, he is back from the deployment and the planning is on!

The Question...

Our situation is different, obviously. We're already married and we're doing the whole shabang publicly. We're having a wedding ceremony... (I am trying to convince hubby to write his own vows so that its a little more personalized/different but we'll see.)...and then of course the big reception party!

So the Question???

How do I say the part about the "union," "wedding," "marriage"?

Ours will be slightly different from this but most do something like...

Save the Date

Insert Date Here

Jack and Jill

are getting married/ tying the knot/are getting hitched

Location

Formal invitation to follow

What do you think?

The Save the Date card is fairly formal.

Cookie Time!

2008-12-07T09:36:00.002-06:00

I still remember standing on a stool in the kitchen stirring the cookie dough and watching my mom. Cracking eggs was my favorite part and at the ripe age of 5 I wasn't too shabby at it. I guess I didn't think much about Christmas cookies back then, but this was a tradition I was going to keep and hopefully pass on to my children some day.

Well, I sort of took the tradition to the max and I go all out these days! 15+ types of cookies, candies, fudge,... Mmmmm. I like to get started early and have all my ingredients by December 1st. Unfortunately that did not happen this year. I'm beginning the process today!

First things first!

Spend some time looking at your cookbooks and if you're not happy with the cookie recipes, get a new one. I really like "Grandma's Christmas Recipes." I don't think I have disliked any recipe I've tried. (I just tried to find it and I don't see it for sale anymore. It's a Publications International, Ltd. book in case you would like to research further.)

BRING STICKY NOTES WITH YOU! Use one color for those cookies you definitely want to make and another color for the ones you may like to make. I left my sticky notes on after last year and it makes it so much easier to find the cookies I want to make. Just make sure that you take the sticky off the page if you decide you don't like it or don't EVER want to make that particular cookie EVER again.

I'm doing a cookie crash course this morning. Choosing most my recipes, straightening up the house, sanitizing the kitchen, and purchasing the ingredients I can afford. I have a friend coming over to join me in the insanity so I think I'll get some of my cut outs out of the way!

Check back for more tips and recipes!

Cold lonely nights

2008-12-05T22:04:00.006-06:00

My hubby got promoted which is very exciting. But it also means new hours. And new hours stink especially when they involve him working 9-5. No not 9-5 like most people work, 9 pm - 5 am. I really wouldn't complain except one becomes accustomed to sleeping with another warm body and when that other body isn't there, it gets very lonely.

I can't help it really... 15 months of no warm body sleeping next to me should have been more than enough for our entire marriage... But alas that is not the case.

On the positive side, I'm SO proud of my man. He works way too hard and is amazing. Of course, I'm partial to him.

And because I needed to add a piece of randomness, here are our pups.

Rudi... a.k.a. Bear, Toots, Rudi Bear, Miss. Toots and every other combination you can imagine.

Jackson... a.k.a. Jack... We keep it simple with him.

Finding my place in blogger land

2008-12-04T07:16:00.003-06:00

The land o' blogging is filled with mommy bloggers, military bloggers, coupon cutters, and tech gurus.

Well...

I'm not yet a mommy, unless you count my 2 pups which don't really count. I'm not a tech guru. I don't feel that searching for all of the best deals is my calling. I lived the military life for 2 years but that is nothing compared to those who have done it for many more, some even life. There are people who do all of these things and do them very well, but they aren't me, not right now.

I'm young and can still be considered a newlywed. I've been out of college but a year and am searching for the job that really fits, if one even exists. I want children but the timing is off right now.

I have yet to find a solid market for 20 somethings who are knee deep in their in between phases. In one way, this is an exciting place to be because they must be out there. In another way, I can not always relate to my fellow bloggers who are wonderfully talented but in completely different places in life.

So for now, I'm just going to keep embracing my differences and be me. And hopefully I'll come across some other bloggers who are in similar places.

Oh yes... And shameless plug. I LOVE the mommy bloggers, tech gurus, "coupon divas", and military bloggers. They inspire me, teach me, make me laugh, and give me really great deals!!!

Here are a few of my new favs...

Pro Blogger

CoffeeCupNews

The Wise Young Mommy

Hanging over my head

2008-12-03T17:07:00.000-06:00

There are tasks on my list that I simply do not want to do, ever. If I could just pay someone to do these tasks for me, it would make me VERY happy and probably eliminate 20-50% of the stress in my life. (Not to say that I wouldn't find something else to stress about.)

These tasks include but are not limited to paying bills (except loans*), taxes (the word alone is enough to make my insides quiver), health insurance, returning purchased items, anything DMV or County Clerk related, and having to speak to customer service people because something went wrong.

I like customer service people. I admire them because I could NEVER be one, but the thought of actually having to deal with an issue that was not the customer service person's fault is a problem. If the said customer service person can not help me, I'm likely to get mad and take it out on them even though I know its not their fault. This probably makes me a bad person, but it often works in getting me to a manager, or a manager's manager, or even higher.

I avoid these tasks at all costs until it is either absolutely necessary or I realize they will only continue to linger if I don't fix them. It's really bad. Am I the only one that does this?

Christmas Season

2008-12-02T10:40:00.006-06:00

Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. I love the music and decorations, the joy and laughter. It's a time where people give what they can to those they love and care about.

What do you like about Christmas?

I have a feeling this year will be a little more difficult for many in our country. With the unemployment rate slowly rising and the economy falling money is tight, but there are ways to get around it and still enjoy the season. I find that giving is a great way to enjoy yourself and what you have.

Some ideas...

1. Volunteer someplace. A soup kitchen, a nursing home, a pregnancy center, an orphanage. Pick something you might like. (Hospitals even need people to hold babies.)

2. Help a neighbor or friend. Someone you know have a new little one or just seem overwhelmed? Cook them a meal or offer to do dishes. Again, you can choose how you help and it's not bad if its something you enjoy.

3. Say something kind to someone. When things get really bad and a stranger takes the time to say hello and smile at me, it changes my entire mood, seriously.

4. Be Creative. Make something with your hands for someone else. Even if all you can do is a card, it will mean a lot to someone!

5. Enjoy yourself. Forget about the messy house or the drama at work for 10 minutes. Curl up under a blanket with a cup of tea or hot chocolate and sit in the quiet or with calming music.

I hope some of these ideas help! If you have any others, please share!

Wedding Drama - I know it will work out

2008-12-01T11:55:00.003-06:00

My hubby and I are having our "big wedding" in May and the details were finally falling into place. I took a trip to NY and nailed down much of the celebration. Well,... the original reception location people were very rude and EVERYONE in western, NY has their reception there so I went to a small country resort that was affordable. The lady was super nice and promised if I booked the date within the month I would lock into my prices. I called her to tell her I was going to mail the deposit as long as they held up their end when she informed me that they no longer could. Their new menus and prices are coming out in a month. It's not a large venue and the guests would probably have to be squeezed in tight but I was willing to make that sacrifice for the location, nice lady who helped me, and the food. Now I can either A wait until January and check out their new menu and prices, B go with the original plan and deal with mean lady, or C start from scratch and be super stressed. Not to mention the fact that my Save the Date Cards are almost nearly ready to go out and I don't even know that we can have a reception... Advice? A, B, or C? Is there an alternative? I would prefer to not do it in the Firehall. I want something nice, beautiful, affordable, and fun. Is that possible?

HELP!!!