It's 4pm. The house is [mostly] clean, including scrubbed toilets which I try to do as infrequently as possible. The dogs are [actually] calm and sleeping on the floor. The baby is in her crib silently snuggling her buddy, and my husband is at work.
And I... I am in an over-sized hoodie on our super comfy recliner, resting.
Life is good.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
I'm only human
There are days where I think being a female stinks. Days like today where my emotions are completely out of whack and I feel as though I have no control over them. I'm not a big crier by any means and I can't seem to make myself stop crying today. And honestly? I have absolutely no reason to cry. None. Whatsoever.
Stress has taken over my body and I feel helpless. I have been working so hard to get ahead because I knew this week would be a little overwhelming. I have kept up with my house, planted tomatoes in egg cartons, bathed my child, prepared all sorts of cake decorating stuff ahead of time, and yet I still feel as though I am three steps behind. The house... well it's a mess today. The yard hasn't been mowed in over 2 weeks due to the rain and us not being home/around/able to mow when it hasn't been raining. The garbage is overflowing and I can't exactly take the garbage to the dump when the garbage cans are full of water because the wind blew the lids off and the rain filled them. I hate putting nasty, muddy garbage cans in my new-to-me vehicle.
So there is all of that which really amounts to nothing if you think about it. And there is a LOT of positive. Like...
- I've lost 15 pounds and over 7 inches (probably over 10 now but haven't measured in a while)
- I've been happier and healthier
- God has really blessed us financially this month
- My sister is getting married in a few weeks
- My baby girl is...well... about as close to perfect as one can get
- I have a nice house, a newish vehicle, and a wonderful church
- I get to stay at home with my girl
- I have an awesome hubby
It's seriously time for me to snap out of it. :)
Stress has taken over my body and I feel helpless. I have been working so hard to get ahead because I knew this week would be a little overwhelming. I have kept up with my house, planted tomatoes in egg cartons, bathed my child, prepared all sorts of cake decorating stuff ahead of time, and yet I still feel as though I am three steps behind. The house... well it's a mess today. The yard hasn't been mowed in over 2 weeks due to the rain and us not being home/around/able to mow when it hasn't been raining. The garbage is overflowing and I can't exactly take the garbage to the dump when the garbage cans are full of water because the wind blew the lids off and the rain filled them. I hate putting nasty, muddy garbage cans in my new-to-me vehicle.
So there is all of that which really amounts to nothing if you think about it. And there is a LOT of positive. Like...
- I've lost 15 pounds and over 7 inches (probably over 10 now but haven't measured in a while)
- I've been happier and healthier
- God has really blessed us financially this month
- My sister is getting married in a few weeks
- My baby girl is...well... about as close to perfect as one can get
- I have a nice house, a newish vehicle, and a wonderful church
- I get to stay at home with my girl
- I have an awesome hubby
It's seriously time for me to snap out of it. :)
Monday, April 25, 2011
Easter and other news
It was an interesting Easter, to say the least. Our plans were changed and we had to adjust. Instead of making a home cooked meal, we decided to eat out. It was very relaxing and enjoyable, and I didn't veer too far away from my calorie goals! Blessing in disguise!
We didn't go crazy on the Easter bunny/egg stuff this year. I want E to know that Jesus dying on the cross for our sins is THE reason we celebrate Easter. I don't want there to be any doubt. However, in celebrating I think it's okay to let her hunt for candy and other goody filled eggs.
It's funny how kids just have an instinct about that sort of thing. My 18 month old knew just what to do! There was no teaching, she just went for it! Her momma and dadda were proud!
In other words... I think her and her dadda managed to dodge the crazy 24 hour flu(ish) virus I had on Friday. It was awful and it would have been a nightmare for my little girl. And as absolutely terrible as it was it pushed me closer to my first weight goal. (Bear with me here because it was the ONLY positive to being that sick.) Hopefully I'll reach that goal in the next 1-2 weeks!
Here's a photo I captured of my girl playing outside with her basket...
We didn't go crazy on the Easter bunny/egg stuff this year. I want E to know that Jesus dying on the cross for our sins is THE reason we celebrate Easter. I don't want there to be any doubt. However, in celebrating I think it's okay to let her hunt for candy and other goody filled eggs.
It's funny how kids just have an instinct about that sort of thing. My 18 month old knew just what to do! There was no teaching, she just went for it! Her momma and dadda were proud!
In other words... I think her and her dadda managed to dodge the crazy 24 hour flu(ish) virus I had on Friday. It was awful and it would have been a nightmare for my little girl. And as absolutely terrible as it was it pushed me closer to my first weight goal. (Bear with me here because it was the ONLY positive to being that sick.) Hopefully I'll reach that goal in the next 1-2 weeks!
Here's a photo I captured of my girl playing outside with her basket...
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Determination
I have struggled with my weight for years. It's not that I've ever been incredibly overweight, but I never thought I looked thin enough. Now that I weigh more than I ever have, and look back at my old pictures, I realize just how small I was!
After having E, I went right back to my pre-pregnancy weight. However, I didn't watch what I ate because soon after she was born, we were into the holidays. Oops! Just because I was nursing and HUNGRY didn't mean I could eat whatever I wanted. I learned my lesson the hard way because not long after that I was on a medicine that made me gain even more weight.
At that time I was working out HARD and eating really well. No matter what I did I could not drop an ounce and instead found myself gaining. It made no sense until I got off the medicine and realized that was the cause of my problem.
At that point I was really frustrated with trying to lose weight. Nothing I did helped and I gave up. So I spent the better of 3 months eating what I wanted until I realized that if and when we decide to have another baby, I was already 16 pounds heavier than I was when I started with our first baby. Plus my sister was getting married soon and I didn't want my family and friends that I hadn't seen in a long time to see me the way I was. (Not that they would care, but I most certainly would!)
So I decided it was time to suck it up. I began doing research and asking a lot of questions to my husband and friends. I knew I needed a work out I could stick with and a diet plan that didn't make me feel like I was starving to death. I chose to do Jillian Michaels "30 Day Shred" and set my first goal for 30 days. It's only 20-25 minutes a day and I figured I could commit to that. I also began tracking everything I ate on "My Daily Plate" and following a diet plan. After about a week of the plan I realized that I didn't need a diet plan to lose weight. It's all about calories in versus calories out. I calculated EVERYTHING from the time I rested to that one bite of something I slipped in. I know that sounds anal, but I was/am so determined to get the weight off, that I felt as though I had to do that in order to lose it. The one week I tried to guess, I didn't get the results.
In under 3 weeks I had lost over 7 inches and 5 pounds. (Total from those 3 months when I would randomly try to lose a little I have lost 10 pounds!) As much as I want to drop 5 pounds a week, I know that I can keep the weight off and I am losing in a healthier way. I also know that by only losing 1-2 pounds a week, I'm losing fat and not muscle. It is so refreshing to see it coming off and not fluctuating! Once I hit a number, I haven't seen that number go back up! (Okay maybe throughout the day because water weight fluctuates but overall, it hasn't gone up!)
I'm 6 pounds away from my first goal and so pumped to see that number! Once I hit it, I will most definitely celebrate with ice cream! :) And hopefully by my sisters wedding at the end of May, I'll be 10 pounds lighter. ;)
I know it sounds like I'm obsessed with weight loss, and I'd probably agree, but I want to do this for my family. I want to have a good, healthy pregnancy and I don't want to keep my little girl from the beach because I won't wear a bathing suit. She is 18 months old and has yet to go swimming. :( I'm excited about the changes and looking forward to swimming with my little girl this summer and feeling comfortable in my bridesmaid dress!
After having E, I went right back to my pre-pregnancy weight. However, I didn't watch what I ate because soon after she was born, we were into the holidays. Oops! Just because I was nursing and HUNGRY didn't mean I could eat whatever I wanted. I learned my lesson the hard way because not long after that I was on a medicine that made me gain even more weight.
At that time I was working out HARD and eating really well. No matter what I did I could not drop an ounce and instead found myself gaining. It made no sense until I got off the medicine and realized that was the cause of my problem.
At that point I was really frustrated with trying to lose weight. Nothing I did helped and I gave up. So I spent the better of 3 months eating what I wanted until I realized that if and when we decide to have another baby, I was already 16 pounds heavier than I was when I started with our first baby. Plus my sister was getting married soon and I didn't want my family and friends that I hadn't seen in a long time to see me the way I was. (Not that they would care, but I most certainly would!)
So I decided it was time to suck it up. I began doing research and asking a lot of questions to my husband and friends. I knew I needed a work out I could stick with and a diet plan that didn't make me feel like I was starving to death. I chose to do Jillian Michaels "30 Day Shred" and set my first goal for 30 days. It's only 20-25 minutes a day and I figured I could commit to that. I also began tracking everything I ate on "My Daily Plate" and following a diet plan. After about a week of the plan I realized that I didn't need a diet plan to lose weight. It's all about calories in versus calories out. I calculated EVERYTHING from the time I rested to that one bite of something I slipped in. I know that sounds anal, but I was/am so determined to get the weight off, that I felt as though I had to do that in order to lose it. The one week I tried to guess, I didn't get the results.
In under 3 weeks I had lost over 7 inches and 5 pounds. (Total from those 3 months when I would randomly try to lose a little I have lost 10 pounds!) As much as I want to drop 5 pounds a week, I know that I can keep the weight off and I am losing in a healthier way. I also know that by only losing 1-2 pounds a week, I'm losing fat and not muscle. It is so refreshing to see it coming off and not fluctuating! Once I hit a number, I haven't seen that number go back up! (Okay maybe throughout the day because water weight fluctuates but overall, it hasn't gone up!)
I'm 6 pounds away from my first goal and so pumped to see that number! Once I hit it, I will most definitely celebrate with ice cream! :) And hopefully by my sisters wedding at the end of May, I'll be 10 pounds lighter. ;)
I know it sounds like I'm obsessed with weight loss, and I'd probably agree, but I want to do this for my family. I want to have a good, healthy pregnancy and I don't want to keep my little girl from the beach because I won't wear a bathing suit. She is 18 months old and has yet to go swimming. :( I'm excited about the changes and looking forward to swimming with my little girl this summer and feeling comfortable in my bridesmaid dress!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Miracles still happen
A couple weeks ago, I heard some really tough and also wonderful news. My aunt told me that my cousin was pregnant, but in the same sentence she uttered the words "breast cancer."
During her first major pregnancy checkup, the doctor noticed a lump in her breast. After testing, they found out that she not only had breast cancer, but it was rapidly progressing. To most, this would be terrible news. But as scared as my cousin was, she quickly realized that this baby saved her life. She never would have known that she had cancer if it wasn't for that checkup. I can't imagine being in her shoes, but her outlook astounds me and brings me to tears. She has a miracle baby growing inside her. I can only assume that her relationship with that child will be extra special.
My cousin has already had surgery to remove the lump and her lymph nodes where they also found cancer. It had spread, but there are no signs of any other cancerous cells. She will have to undergo chemotherapy while pregnant so please keep her in your prayers.
During her first major pregnancy checkup, the doctor noticed a lump in her breast. After testing, they found out that she not only had breast cancer, but it was rapidly progressing. To most, this would be terrible news. But as scared as my cousin was, she quickly realized that this baby saved her life. She never would have known that she had cancer if it wasn't for that checkup. I can't imagine being in her shoes, but her outlook astounds me and brings me to tears. She has a miracle baby growing inside her. I can only assume that her relationship with that child will be extra special.
My cousin has already had surgery to remove the lump and her lymph nodes where they also found cancer. It had spread, but there are no signs of any other cancerous cells. She will have to undergo chemotherapy while pregnant so please keep her in your prayers.
Friday, October 29, 2010
When your passion is also your fear
I can't remember a day in my life where I haven't sang, even for just a few minutes. I sing in the car, shower, with E, while cleaning, while cooking,... It's just something I've always been passionate about. I definitely wouldn't consider myself a professional, but I am trained. I have had vocal lessons from several different instructors and have been a part of several music groups throughout my life.
I'm not sure what happened, but one day I stopped singing in public. Criticism came where I least expected it, I guess, and it blew my confidence. Fear set in and I just didn't think I could get sing in front of anyone anymore. The excuses came and were pretty much unlimited. And then God placed our family in an incredible church where people appreciate us and love on us on a daily basis. Not long after being in that church, I felt God working on my heart and in my life. I felt called to sing again, to use the talent God has given me.
Of course, I kept getting in the way and letting fear control me. I made excuse after excuse and had a constant battle in my mind. I'd convince myself that I shouldn't, go to church, and the preacher would be talking about something the Bible says that made me realize that I needed to get over this.
After wrestling for 10 months, I finally picked a song and practiced with the worship leader. I can't even begin to describe what that did for me, how it healed a part of me that I didn't realize was broken. That night the thoughts crept in again about how I couldn't do this and I would make a fool of myself, so I decided it was time. There is no more waiting. God is calling me to use my talent and I need to just suck it up and get over it. So I'm singing the special on Sunday and the worship leader is singing background vocals for me. Craziness.
I know that this is a little silly, but don't we all do this? Whether it's speaking up about an issue to a friend or stranger, using a talent that you forgot about, or reviving a part of you that has been subdued for a long time, we all have something that we've let slip away. Something that is important to us that no one else may understand. I challenge you to speak up, to use your talent, to be yourself, to do the thing that you know is necessary but fear has taken over. Today...This week. Not Tomorrow or Next Week.
I'm not sure what happened, but one day I stopped singing in public. Criticism came where I least expected it, I guess, and it blew my confidence. Fear set in and I just didn't think I could get sing in front of anyone anymore. The excuses came and were pretty much unlimited. And then God placed our family in an incredible church where people appreciate us and love on us on a daily basis. Not long after being in that church, I felt God working on my heart and in my life. I felt called to sing again, to use the talent God has given me.
Of course, I kept getting in the way and letting fear control me. I made excuse after excuse and had a constant battle in my mind. I'd convince myself that I shouldn't, go to church, and the preacher would be talking about something the Bible says that made me realize that I needed to get over this.
After wrestling for 10 months, I finally picked a song and practiced with the worship leader. I can't even begin to describe what that did for me, how it healed a part of me that I didn't realize was broken. That night the thoughts crept in again about how I couldn't do this and I would make a fool of myself, so I decided it was time. There is no more waiting. God is calling me to use my talent and I need to just suck it up and get over it. So I'm singing the special on Sunday and the worship leader is singing background vocals for me. Craziness.
I know that this is a little silly, but don't we all do this? Whether it's speaking up about an issue to a friend or stranger, using a talent that you forgot about, or reviving a part of you that has been subdued for a long time, we all have something that we've let slip away. Something that is important to us that no one else may understand. I challenge you to speak up, to use your talent, to be yourself, to do the thing that you know is necessary but fear has taken over. Today...This week. Not Tomorrow or Next Week.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
October
With the change of seasons, I am finally starting to feel like myself again for the first time since E was born. My energy is coming back alongside my motivation. It's a wonderful thing.
As we approach my baby's very first birthday, I can't help but look back on the past year and how much our lives have changed. It seems like we have known her forever; that she has always been a part of our lives. But it also feels like just yesterday I was in the hospital roaming the halls waiting for her to make her grand entrance.
October is a busy month. There will be painting, cleaning, organizing, a garage sale, fall festival, several cakes to make and decorate, pinata making, invitation making/sending, out of town guests, cooking, baking, diaper changing, chasing, playing, big birthday party, shopping, coupon clipping, speaking to youth, choir, church, doctor visits, and just plain loving on my family. I'm excited, but it is definitely a lot so I am trying to take one day at a time.
As we approach my baby's very first birthday, I can't help but look back on the past year and how much our lives have changed. It seems like we have known her forever; that she has always been a part of our lives. But it also feels like just yesterday I was in the hospital roaming the halls waiting for her to make her grand entrance.
October is a busy month. There will be painting, cleaning, organizing, a garage sale, fall festival, several cakes to make and decorate, pinata making, invitation making/sending, out of town guests, cooking, baking, diaper changing, chasing, playing, big birthday party, shopping, coupon clipping, speaking to youth, choir, church, doctor visits, and just plain loving on my family. I'm excited, but it is definitely a lot so I am trying to take one day at a time.
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