Thursday, October 15, 2009

Control: My plan...

They say you learn that you are not in control after you have your first child. Although I have not yet had my first, I'm getting a small taste of this daunting statement.

I have been incredibly proud of myself throughout my pregnancy. Yes, I want nothing more than to hold my baby in my arms and look into his/her eyes but that has not made me anxious. I've really enjoyed being pregnant. Feeling life inside of me is like nothing I have ever experienced. It's indescribable.

And now I find myself in an entirely different place. I'm 3 days... just 3 days... past my due date and I'm starting to feel a little crazy.

I know that every pregnancy and every baby is different, but I had high hopes that mine would be somewhat similar to my mom's experiences. All 3 of us were at least 3 days early and she only labored for 7 hours with me, her firstborn. can dream, right?

There are few signs, if any, that labor is imminent.

Overall, I feel great, but my hormones are ALL over the place. One minute I can be patient and enjoy being pregnant and the next I'm super depressed and feel like something must be wrong with me or the baby.

At this point my baby isn't even engaged and I may have to be induced.

I'm learning that my plan to have the baby at a certain time and a certain way may not be possible. No matter how much I walk or how many herbs I try, I am not in control.

There is a time and place and plan for the birth of my baby, but it is not in my hands. I am not in control. Maybe if I just say that over and over and over, I'll get it... or maybe I still have a LOT more to learn....

I guess I still have a lot more to learn.