Birth Story ...not what I expected

My due date had come and gone and I was getting anxious. Days went by where NOTHING happened. There were times I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with a child growing inside of me... Okay, I know that sounds crazy but when you're expecting to have your baby a little early and you watch day after day pass by with no signs of labor, you start to lose it a little.

The night was finally here. I had fairly strong, consistent contractions for a few hours each of the three nights before so thinking they may actually progress seemed far-fetched. The contractions pretty much started at 5 minutes apart. I waited a few hours before calling my midwife, just to make sure there was something to call about. They continued so I called and we decided I would call back once contractions were closer together and stronger. I tried sleeping, taking a bath, rolling on the birthing ball, swaying my hips,...not much was helping the pain but it was still tolerable. Once my contractions were 3 minutes apart and not so tolerable for a few hours I decided I needed to go in. After all, we live a good 40 minutes from the hospital and if I waited much longer, we'd be in morning rush hour traffic and I might have to have my baby on the side of the road.

We arrived at the hospital and they got us a labor room. Okay pause... They tried making me sit... They tried putting me in a wheelchair. I think 10 people asked if I wanted a wheelchair... And then the lovely escort walked like the speed of lightning. Even my long legged husband couldn't catch up. I think we were still in the lobby when she was at the elevator...

Anyway... once we arrived at the labor room they checked me and baby... 3cm dilated, 90% effaced, VERY strong contractions, baby responding well to them.

We walked around, tried several different stretches, my hubby and doula rubbed my back and feet,... I screamed in his shirt a few times,...

Several hours later... 3cm dilated, 90% effaced, VERY strong contractions,... Midwife scraped membranes so I didn't have to go home...

An hour later... Shift change... 3.5 cm dilated, 90% effaced, VERY strong contractions,... baby responding well.

New nurse sat with us and stared into space...also insisted on checking baby heartbeat every 30 minutes. EVERY 30 minutes... bear in mind that this nurse has a 12 hour shift... AND we had to be back from walks every 30 minutes. AND if I was naked in the shower trying to cope with the pain, she would still check me. (Oh, it's waterproof... Grrr...)

And also, she "told on me" to my midwife for eating french fries, lol. (I'd like to see her go nearly a day without food and a very difficult workout and not eat...)

By this point I had been in the hospital for 20 hours... and I was having VERY strong contractions that were clearly not doing anything. My hopes for a natural birth were slipping away by the minute....

(to be continued...)

Birth Plans are just that... a plan

Whether it is in writing or not, everyone has an idea of how they'd like their labor and delivery to go. Some know without a doubt they want the strongest meds they can get. Some want c-sections. While others desire to have a completely natural birth.

I wanted to go natural. Certain facts and rumors scared me.

Forceps and Vacuums.
After much research in high school and college about abortions and the use of forceps and vacuums, I didn't want that to be a thought at delivery. (Little did I know that they RARELY use forceps and vacuums anymore.)

The effects of meds on mom and baby.
I didn't want any meds to make me sleepy or loopy or affect my baby. Stories of people who had epidurals falling fast asleep right after delivery loomed in my head. I wanted to hold my baby and nurse as soon as possible.

C-section.
That might mean longer recovery time, scars, not being able to have my baby put on my chest, not seeing my baby for a while, and many other things that weren't for me.

It's sort of strange, but I wanted to experience the pain of having a child. I wanted to see if I could do it. It was a challenge.

There are millions of other thoughts that can go with a birth plan, from episiotomies to keeping placenta. Here's a quick run-down of my basic desires...

No meds.
IVs if absolutely necessary.
NO EPIDURAL (not gonna lie, I was scared to death of this thing)
No Episiotomy (Can actually cause more tearing and more recovery time)
Do everything possible to avoid tearing
Husband to cut umbilical cord
My doula and husband in the room with me
Labor as long as possible at home
DON'T announce sex of baby. Lay baby on my chest so that I can tell everyone whether he/she is a boy or girl.
As few checks as possible before and after birth
Baby to stay with me unless I requested he/she go to the nursery so I could rest
Delay eye drops
Don't do shots at hospital except Vitamin K
If boy, circumcise at hospital. Husband to be present.

All this to say, things didn't exactly go according to plan, but the end result was spectacular.

The end of the world as I knew it

Life as I knew it has ended. But I am beyond grateful for that. I have been blessed with the most incredible, beautiful, and intelligent little girl I have ever met.

I love my husband more than anything, but the love that I feel for my little girl is different. It blows my mind away that I can provide everything she needs. I comfort her, feed her, care for her,... I always seem to magically know what's wrong. I can't describe it.

Being a mommy is the most rewarding and challenging experience of my life.

Control: My Baby...my plan...

They say you learn that you are not in control after you have your first child. Although I have not yet had my first, I'm getting a small taste of this daunting statement.

I have been incredibly proud of myself throughout my pregnancy. Yes, I want nothing more than to hold my baby in my arms and look into his/her eyes but that has not made me anxious. I've really enjoyed being pregnant. Feeling life inside of me is like nothing I have ever experienced. It's indescribable.

And now I find myself in an entirely different place. I'm 3 days... just 3 days... past my due date and I'm starting to feel a little crazy.

I know that every pregnancy and every baby is different, but I had high hopes that mine would be somewhat similar to my mom's experiences. All 3 of us were at least 3 days early and she only labored for 7 hours with me, her firstborn.

Hey...one can dream, right?

There are few signs, if any, that labor is imminent.

Overall, I feel great, but my hormones are ALL over the place. One minute I can be patient and enjoy being pregnant and the next I'm super depressed and feel like something must be wrong with me or the baby.

At this point my baby isn't even engaged and I may have to be induced.

I'm learning that my plan to have the baby at a certain time and a certain way may not be possible. No matter how much I walk or how many herbs I try, I am not in control.

There is a time and place and plan for the birth of my baby, but it is not in my hands. I am not in control. Maybe if I just say that over and over and over, I'll get it... or maybe I still have a LOT more to learn....

I guess I still have a lot more to learn.

What's in a name?

My husband and I have been contemplating our child's name a lot lately. We've always known what we would name a boy but we just can't decide or agree on a girl's name. I think we'll probably go with a family name from his side but we're still uncertain of a middle name...

Anyway, as much as I want a girl part of me hopes that our first child will be a little boy. With the boy's name, we decided to honor two brave and honorable men who were killed in Iraq. One of them, in particular, was one of the best leaders any of the guys had or had seen. He was one of those people that no one had a bad thing to say about and everyone respected. He was a loving father and husband and somehow he even knew he wouldn't return to his family.

I wish that I had the opportunity to meet him and learn from him.

His wife is an incredible woman as well and she was one of the few who really understood what I was going through while my hubby was gone. Despite her loss she has continued to help many through tragedy and difficult times.

My husband wrote her a letter to tell her that if we had a boy, we would name him after her husband. She was honored and delighted and even messaged me several times to find out if we knew what we were having. :)

I woke up early this morning and by early I mean about 30 minutes before I typically wake up. I'd tell you what time but you'd probably laugh in my face and tell me that's not really early. I'm sure I will finally truly discover early when the baby comes 5 months from now. I have a lot to learn. :)

My plan was to arrive to work before most got there so that I could begin catching up. I hate having projects and tasks lurk over me and there are about 4 hanging there right now. Not only did I arrive early, but I had time to stop and get breakfast. Maybe arising before I absolutely have to isn't such a bad thing?

So today will be filled with work and tonight will be rest. And hopefully I'll have a chance to finish a blog about the baby and maybe start one about the big wedding we had this past weekend.

Wedding crashers, fights, broken toilets... I have some stories for you. :)

Doesn't someone know how to stick people with a needle? And I DO NOT have a disease....

I LOVE my Nurse-Midwife(ves). They are very intelligent and capable women. Some of them even hug me and nearly cried with me the first time I heard my baby's heartbeat. However, their support people need some help. Thus far they have yet to be able to successfully draw my blood.

The First time they tried, the lady chased my vein for a good 3-5 minutes before noticing that the veins on my hand stuck out and she could stick them easily. So.... she did... And she forgot to hold the needle in place so naturally, it jumped right back out and blood went everywhere. She tried again and drew the blood... FINALLY.

Later that week I received a very interesting call from the department of health. They started talking to me about Hepatitis B and if I knew that I had it and knew what to do or expect. Eventually I was able to get a word in and said "HOLD ON, What are you talking about?" I didn't have HepB. I'd had blood work done just recently and nothing like that came back and PLUS I had 3 shots so that I wouldn't get Hepatitis.

It's NOT a good idea to tell a newly pregnant lady that she has a disease.

Long story short, they messed up at the clinic and didn't draw enough blood to prove that the reason Hepatitis was showing up as positive was because I had the immunizations. They also didn't draw blood for other important things they were supposed to check. Needless to say I had to go back and get more blood drawn.

This time was even worse than the first. In fact, I'm pretty sure this lady had never stuck someone in her life. Why was she working there anyway? So she tries to stick me and puts the needle all the way through my vein. Then she kept wondering why my blood was only dripping out. Well, at that point they knew they busted the vein so they kept it there and watched the area swell the size of a baseball. Then they watched my arm turn purple and swell.

Afterwards, I got an ice pack and was told to sit there for a good while to keep the swelling down. I think I was also told I was going to bruise badly. At that point a bruise didn't bother me, but the fact that my arm was swollen and purple wasn't comforting.

After not hearing from them for a week or so I decided to call and find out what I already knew. I did NOT have Hepatitis B. And also, they have to draw blood again because one of the vials clotted. Just lovely. If those people think they are getting a needle within 5 feet of me anytime soon, they have something else coming.

Next Appointment... My first ultrasound.... Thank God it should be just with my nurse-midwife.