1. So you're due any day now, right?
2. When I respond with, "well I have 6 1/2 weeks or so left," you DEFINITELY should not widen your eyes and say OHHHhhhh.
3. Was it planned?
4. Are you having twins?
5. Make predictions about the gender based on the woman's size/shape... No No. It doesn't always work like that and you will probably say something that won't go over well.
6. Make comments about the fact that the woman chooses to birth a certain way. You don't know all of the details of why she came to the decision that she wants a drug free birth or a cesearean and quite frankly, it's not your business.
7. You look bigger today.
8. You're really packing on the weight with this one, huh?
9. Do you exercise? (Why is this your business?)
10. Ask her the same question or questions every time you see her? I guarantee she's already answered the "when are you due?" and " are you having a boy or girl" question 9 million times. Please write it down, look it up on facebook, or ask a mutual friend. 1-2 times asking is probably okay, but it's not necessary every time or every other time you see them.
11. Don't judge or give your input about a decision they've made unless they ask.
I know there are many more, but these are some of the ones that have gotten under my skin lately.
So...how can you have a conversation or be nice or cordial to a woman who is pregnant?
1. Pretend that they aren't pregnant. They are still the same person with the same basic needs they have always had... Treat them as such. Ask them how they are doing, if they have any plans for the weekend,...
2. Compliment them profusely. Tell them they look radiant and beautiful, that they don't look like they've gained a lot of weight. That you hope you look that good when you're pregnant.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Saturday, September 24, 2011
The uninformed patient
Two years ago, October 21st, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I truly enjoyed my pregnancy with her, the good, the bad, and the ugly. In some strange way, despite all of the "ugly" that happened during my labor and birth, I enjoyed it as well. The pain was excruciating, but it had a purpose. I was about to meet the most precious gift I had ever received.
Fast forward to today and I still hold onto a lot of the trauma that occurred during my labor and delivery. Some things happened that absolutely should not have happened. One of the midwives who did not know me from Adam acted like an OB instead of a midwife. She didn't seem to care what I wanted and didn't even bother introducing herself to me. It would take a very long blog and maybe even a chapter in a book to explain what all went wrong; the unprofessionalism, lack of knowledge, lack of care. But for right now, I need to get one thing off of my chest about the delivery.
I had a prenatal appointment for my current pregnancy a couple weeks ago. My midwife, one that I really respect and trust and have connected with the most, sat me down to talk about my last delivery and strong desire for a natural birth. She informed me that my firstborn had shoulder dystocia, meaning that her shoulder got stuck under my pubic bone and they were close to having to break her collar bone. This could have caused my child nerve damage, paralysis, or brain damage due to lack of oxygen from being constricted. It all happened so quickly that I had no idea her shoulder was that stuck. The midwife should have told me what had happened while I was in the hospital. I should have known for my own sake, but also to look out for any nerve damage/lack of movement in her arm. But I wasn't informed. My midwife, during the appointment, also needed to let me know that because it happened with my previous child, it is more likely to happen again.
I was heartbroken and I spent the most of the next week or so crying. This was my labor and delivery. This was my body. This was my child. I had the right to know what happened and that it might happen again. Instead I had to wait nearly two years to find out. It makes me sick to think that a medical professional would not take the time to tell her patient what had happened to her and her child.
Fast forward to today and I still hold onto a lot of the trauma that occurred during my labor and delivery. Some things happened that absolutely should not have happened. One of the midwives who did not know me from Adam acted like an OB instead of a midwife. She didn't seem to care what I wanted and didn't even bother introducing herself to me. It would take a very long blog and maybe even a chapter in a book to explain what all went wrong; the unprofessionalism, lack of knowledge, lack of care. But for right now, I need to get one thing off of my chest about the delivery.
I had a prenatal appointment for my current pregnancy a couple weeks ago. My midwife, one that I really respect and trust and have connected with the most, sat me down to talk about my last delivery and strong desire for a natural birth. She informed me that my firstborn had shoulder dystocia, meaning that her shoulder got stuck under my pubic bone and they were close to having to break her collar bone. This could have caused my child nerve damage, paralysis, or brain damage due to lack of oxygen from being constricted. It all happened so quickly that I had no idea her shoulder was that stuck. The midwife should have told me what had happened while I was in the hospital. I should have known for my own sake, but also to look out for any nerve damage/lack of movement in her arm. But I wasn't informed. My midwife, during the appointment, also needed to let me know that because it happened with my previous child, it is more likely to happen again.
I was heartbroken and I spent the most of the next week or so crying. This was my labor and delivery. This was my body. This was my child. I had the right to know what happened and that it might happen again. Instead I had to wait nearly two years to find out. It makes me sick to think that a medical professional would not take the time to tell her patient what had happened to her and her child.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Exposed
Hi. My name is Danae and I am a perfectionist. I also have pride tied into my perfectionism which is not a very good thing.
Let me start by saying this...
My house is probably only clean clean 1za0% of the time. It's probably mostly clean 50% of the time. (Mostly clean meaning it would take less than an hour to straighten up the entire house.) The rest of the time it's messy.
I can't imagine anyone with a toddler can keep up with their house every day. Even though every single time I have been to a few people with young children's homes, they've been immaculate. They must have cleaning fairies or hire someone. I just don't think it's possible.
So a friend needed to pick up something from me today and I cringed at the thought of her seeing the piles of clothes or the random assortment of who-knows-what scattered across the floor from my toddler. I was just not feeling up to cleaning today after a busy day yesterday and she was at my house within 10 minutes.
I was exposed. Someone besides my husband and toddler saw my house in it's messy state. Once my friend was in the house, I was calm...but the parts leading up to it were incredibly scary for me.
I am not sure why I have this issue. I've always been the type of person who would tell people how I really am when they asked. I don't feel the need to hide emotions by saying "I'm great." If I say it, I probably mean it.
So why do I have this issue with people seeing that I can't always keep a clean house? I don't think anyone else really cares except me.
Let me start by saying this...
My house is probably only clean clean 1za0% of the time. It's probably mostly clean 50% of the time. (Mostly clean meaning it would take less than an hour to straighten up the entire house.) The rest of the time it's messy.
I can't imagine anyone with a toddler can keep up with their house every day. Even though every single time I have been to a few people with young children's homes, they've been immaculate. They must have cleaning fairies or hire someone. I just don't think it's possible.
So a friend needed to pick up something from me today and I cringed at the thought of her seeing the piles of clothes or the random assortment of who-knows-what scattered across the floor from my toddler. I was just not feeling up to cleaning today after a busy day yesterday and she was at my house within 10 minutes.
I was exposed. Someone besides my husband and toddler saw my house in it's messy state. Once my friend was in the house, I was calm...but the parts leading up to it were incredibly scary for me.
I am not sure why I have this issue. I've always been the type of person who would tell people how I really am when they asked. I don't feel the need to hide emotions by saying "I'm great." If I say it, I probably mean it.
So why do I have this issue with people seeing that I can't always keep a clean house? I don't think anyone else really cares except me.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Apathetic
If you know me at all or you have read my posts, you have probably figured out that I'm pretty high strung. I stress about pretty much everything and anything. And if I run out of things to stress about, I find something else. It's really quite awful and annoying. Lately, it's been worse than usual for no particular reason. Just ask my poor hubby who tries to tell me how ridiculous it is that I stress about the most minuscule things.
Today, for the first time in a long LONG time, I feel apathetic. I don't care that there is a laundry pile, half a couch wide stacked higher than the couch. I don't care that my lovely offspring has pulled apart the drawers in the bathroom or has found toys and has thrown them all over the living room. Or about the pile of styrofoam that used to be in the form of a cup when I gave my child popcorn yesterday. I don't really care that I haven't actually done dishes since yesterday or that it's already 7pm, and I haven't started dinner.
I'm not stressed for the first time in months. It's a beautiful thing.
Now if I could only bottle up this feeling and take a sip whenever I needed it. ;)
Today, for the first time in a long LONG time, I feel apathetic. I don't care that there is a laundry pile, half a couch wide stacked higher than the couch. I don't care that my lovely offspring has pulled apart the drawers in the bathroom or has found toys and has thrown them all over the living room. Or about the pile of styrofoam that used to be in the form of a cup when I gave my child popcorn yesterday. I don't really care that I haven't actually done dishes since yesterday or that it's already 7pm, and I haven't started dinner.
I'm not stressed for the first time in months. It's a beautiful thing.
Now if I could only bottle up this feeling and take a sip whenever I needed it. ;)
Monday, June 13, 2011
This mommy needs a break
I don't want to sound ungrateful. I love my little girl. And she is usually a really good baby. However, monster child keeps appearing and I REALLY don't like it. You know that whiny, everything needs to go my way or I will throw a fit behavior? Yeah... about that. I've tried ignoring, simply telling her that it was bad behavior, raising my voice a little, and the hand smack. Nothing works. She doesn't care. And this sort of constant behavior is enough to make me want to seclude myself on an island for a few days. Or in my case, my bedroom. Or maybe even the bathroom.
Am I the only one who finds the bathroom peaceful? I feel like even if I can just get in there for a minute, I can have complete silence. I guess this is something I never understood until I had a baby. When you're pregnant, the bathroom is sort of a place of comfort; a place to relieve that early nausea, a place to sit and not feel back pain for a few moments. It's where we run every hour or so in the middle of the night to relieve the pressure on our bladder. And it's a place where we can light a candle, listen to music, and not feel pain or pressure as we soak in a tub full of steamy water. You don't really ever think about how much time you spend in the bathroom until after your pregnancy or like me, when you just need those 3 minutes to catch your breath.
My sister stayed with me for a little while and she thought it was insane that I liked being in the bathroom or that I would go there to escape. My hubby still does not understand. But I guess it's one of those things only I have to get.
Do you have a strange place you like to escape to for a few minutes or more? Am I the only one who finds the bathroom peaceful?
Am I the only one who finds the bathroom peaceful? I feel like even if I can just get in there for a minute, I can have complete silence. I guess this is something I never understood until I had a baby. When you're pregnant, the bathroom is sort of a place of comfort; a place to relieve that early nausea, a place to sit and not feel back pain for a few moments. It's where we run every hour or so in the middle of the night to relieve the pressure on our bladder. And it's a place where we can light a candle, listen to music, and not feel pain or pressure as we soak in a tub full of steamy water. You don't really ever think about how much time you spend in the bathroom until after your pregnancy or like me, when you just need those 3 minutes to catch your breath.
My sister stayed with me for a little while and she thought it was insane that I liked being in the bathroom or that I would go there to escape. My hubby still does not understand. But I guess it's one of those things only I have to get.
Do you have a strange place you like to escape to for a few minutes or more? Am I the only one who finds the bathroom peaceful?
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
CSA
After years upon years of contemplating whether or not to join a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture), I decided it was time. Because of the price, we decided our best bet would be to split a full share with friends of ours.
Even though our farmer keeps telling us, it will get much better, I am SO happy with our decision to join. We are getting a variety of veggies that we eat often and a few that are different.
Can I just tell you that the taste of fresh veggies directly from the farmer is unlike anything I've experienced? I took some of the zucchini, summer squash, garlic scapes, and onion from this week's share, put them in a pan with a little olive oil, and let them do their thing. It didn't need anything else. The veggies were so flavorful and fresh. Mmmmm!
As for our garden...It is sadly filled with weeds that are taller than me; and I'm 5'9". My hubby and I agreed to go to town on it on Sunday. Since we're a part of the CSA, we've decided to only plant things I will can. So we will plant green beans, tomatoes, and cucumbers. I'm excited, but not looking forward to the weeding part.
Even though our farmer keeps telling us, it will get much better, I am SO happy with our decision to join. We are getting a variety of veggies that we eat often and a few that are different.
Can I just tell you that the taste of fresh veggies directly from the farmer is unlike anything I've experienced? I took some of the zucchini, summer squash, garlic scapes, and onion from this week's share, put them in a pan with a little olive oil, and let them do their thing. It didn't need anything else. The veggies were so flavorful and fresh. Mmmmm!
As for our garden...It is sadly filled with weeds that are taller than me; and I'm 5'9". My hubby and I agreed to go to town on it on Sunday. Since we're a part of the CSA, we've decided to only plant things I will can. So we will plant green beans, tomatoes, and cucumbers. I'm excited, but not looking forward to the weeding part.
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