Tuesday, May 20, 2008


I think that one of the most crippling emotions one can feel is fear. Not just a fear of spiders or the dark but fear of confrontation, disapproval, disappointment, and loss. Fear can consume a person without their consent or knowledge and once they realize it is happening, it can even escalate. 

My biggest fear, and thus my most prominent struggle, is not being in control. I am a perfectionist. I plan EVERYTHING. I'm not kidding. I have been working on packing my room and I actually have a list of all of the things that have been done and all that needs to be done. When I am not in control or something seems impossible, I try absolutely everything I can to plan. I think of every scenario, every outcome, how I will cope, and what I can possibly control in the situation. It's horrible and exhausting. I sometimes get physically exhausted from trying to control everything. 

It's funny though. Take your fear and ponder it for a while. Why are you afraid of that? Why do you hold onto it? What will happen if the fear occurs? What is the worst that can happen? What has happened in the past involving that fear? 

When I think about not being in control, I think about the relief it must be to not have to ponder every aspect of every decision and situation. That would be wonderful. I also know that everything ALWAYS works out. Amazing how that happens. 

So when you are consumed by or even just know you have a fear in the back of your mind, just think about it and determine whether it is worth your health and sanity to fret over it. 

No comments: