Sunday, March 23, 2008

Easter Sunday

Today was a wonderful day of celebrating and spending time with some of the most amazing people I know.

I've been sitting on my couch pondering every thought that enters my mind when I realized that somehow I managed to make it through a holiday without being completely depressed, without Ben. I mean of course I thought about him, but it didn't consume me. I have spent 2 Easters, a Christmas, a Thanksgiving, and our one year anniversary away from him. And on Tuesday I will have spent 2 birthdays without him. Yeah, that all adds up to 12 1/2 months, 54 weeks, or 380 days. Wow! That is a long time! When he left I wondered how on earth I would make it through. In fact, the first 8 months were horrible. I seriously thought I was going to go insane, literally. I mean, at least if I went off the deep end, he'd be able to come home. Sad, I know. But knowing that your spouse is half-way around the world in a major battle is pretty intense, scary, confusing,...

I can't explain it. I couldn't even begin to try. The truth is that unless you have been through a deployment in a particular situation, you really don't have any idea what its like. That has been difficult, because its hard to find people who can relate or support me. I have made a few friends, lost a few, but more than anything I've gained knowledge and understanding that I didn't have before. I have witnessed miracle after miracle in my life and am in awe. My husband is safe, my puppy who was terminally ill is alive and healthy, a surgery that almost everyone gets denied is available to me with a surgeon I am comfortable with and confident in,... I have SO many things to be thankful for. Each one of those miracles were a huge struggle for a while and have stories behind them, but the answers came. God is so faithful. He can and does make the impossible possible. (How anyone can make it through a deployment without him, I have no idea.)

So my challenge to you... Think about what seems impossible in your life, whether big or small. (An exam, a job, an interview, an argument,...) Whatever it is, let God have it and see what he does. Unfortunately it took me 8 months before surrendering the deployment, several before surrendering the surgery, and a few before surrendering my puppy. But I found out as soon as I did, as soon as I let go, God took over and created miracles. He can and wants to do the same for you. Let him!

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