Friday, March 28, 2008

Military Wife Life

***Important note - This is in no way intended to be construed as complaining nor is it intended to reflect negatively on people who have not been through a deployment. I love my husband and I am honored to go through this with him. I am glad that it is I going through this and not my friends and family who have not had to.

Being a military wife is pretty amusing at times. The way different people perceive it and think it must be is very interesting. Most of the time I sit and let people tell me what they think it "means to be the wife of a soldier". Sometimes they get something right, but it is evident that they don't know what it is truly like.

What people tend to think and say...
* "Wow, you've been married a year and a half and have only spent 4 months with him?"
* Person 1: "You (Person 2) have been married a year less than Danae and you've spent more time with your wife than she has with her husband."
Person 2: "Yeah, that's true."
* "That must be hard."
* "How do you do it?"
* After a while, it must get easier.
* Well, maybe if you tried this. Or you should do that. If you did this, you'd be able to cope better,...

How it is...
You sit up at night wondering where your husband is and if he is alive.
You wonder when he will be able to call or email you next.
You battle with the fact that the most incredible thing in your life is not there to deal with life... to go through it with you.
It is a daily struggle and battle.
You wish you could have those moments or time back. (The ones he missed)
You dread holidays not just because he won't be here, but because that is when action often occurs.
You miss the same holiday with him two or three years in a row.
You lose "friends" because you place your focus elsewhere or because of where you are and what you're going through is so different from what they know and understand.
You change many of your habits. (I have become more organized and slightly anal about organization.)
Your mood fluctuates constantly.
You become depressed.
You become stressed.
You have insomnia at times.
You get exhausted with no real explanation.
You don't ever turn on the news and request people to change the channel when its on.
You avoid war movies and war talk at all costs.

Okay so I could really go on a long time here, but my goal is not to depress you. Being an Army/Military Wife is a full time job. Many of those wives are doing everything their husband would normally do, on top of taking care of the kids, cleaning, working a job to make ends meet... I just want you to realize that the pain and difficulties do not go away or become easier to deal with. It is a DAILY realization, a daily struggle. Some days are good and some are bad. It's just how it is...

My challenge to you.

If you know a military wife, do something kind for them. I get teary eyed when people I don't know ask me how I'm doing. That happened randomly several times right after Ben left. That meant more to me than anything. Hugs, prayers, and genuinely caring...

No comments: