Friday, January 23, 2009

What if... (I may have tagged you)

Do you ever think about a major decision you had to make and wonder what would have happened if you had chosen differently? Where would that leave you? What would you be doing? 

People will more than likely tell you not to think about past decisions. They will say that it can cause you to have regrets or that you can not change what has happened in the past. But every now and then I like to let my mind wander. Call it unhealthy. Call it crazy. But I can't help it.

I often think about my decision to go to Belmont. I mean, there was really no substance to it. At my new job, many ask why I chose to go to school across the country, why I chose to go to Belmont University. And quite frankly, as much as I have an answer I really have no earthly idea.

I used to have it all figured out, or so I thought. 

Goal. Work for that goal. Achieve that goal. New Goal. Work for that goal. Achieve it. I think you get my drift. That's how we're taught, how our minds are molded from a young age, particularly with school. The goal is to go to Kindergarten and pass. To study, do decent on the test, and pass. Then the next grade and the next test. Goal after goal after goal. 

Then it came time to make my decision about college. I was good at a lot of things and I liked a lot of things and I struggled because I always had a plan and the plan ran out. I didn't know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. Then an opportunity presented itself for me to go to Belmont and audition. So I did. I freaked out and had a terrible audition but when I stepped on that campus, I felt at home. I knew without any doubt I was supposed to go there. I had one back up school. ONE. And I did well at that audition but it just didn't feel right. 

I just knew where I was meant to be.

But what if... What if I had stayed in NY? What if I hadn't left and decided to go with my back up school? 

I wouldn't have met my husband or married him. I would be much further in debt than I am now because of the tuition/tax/housing/scholarship differences. I wouldn't have been a part of an amazing church here or worked in the music industry in the same capacity as I have over the past few years. I probably never would have found out that Music Row is nothing exciting. It's a bunch of houses and buildings and at the end is this strange naked statue that makes me uncomfortable. I wouldn't have my puppies. I wouldn't have made the horrible decision to live with my best friend and end up destroying a relationship. (Or maybe I would have.) I wouldn't have had to spend 15 months away from the man I love and all the other residuals that came with that. But on the same token I wouldn't have learned and grown and matured through the brokenness that those difficult times provoked.

Sure I would have learned lessons and would have probably grown in other ways, but I have to say that I am still 100% satisfied with my decision and thinking about it doesn't change that.

Thinking about past decisions can help you realize how important that decision was or help you learn from it. I would have spent 4 years in a horrible school, if that was the case, just to meet my hubby. Luckily I got to meet him and had a great college experience.

So I'm going to do some tagging because I am curious. 

Here are the rules.
1. Think about a major decision you have made.
2. Tell your readers why you chose the way you did.
3. Talk about what happened as a result and try to find something positive.
4. Bring up something that would have or wouldn't have happened had you chosen another way.
5. Tag at least 3 people.
6. Link back to the person who tagged you.

I'm tagging...
1. The Mister at The Mister  (creative I know)
2. Pam at The Weber's (not to be confused with Pamela)
3. Pamela at The Dayton Time (not to be confused with Pam)


Runningamuck said...

Danae, I LOVE random comments, are you kidding?? Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em. Drop me one anytime. =0)

Thanks for the tag. I'm starting in on my answer.... =0)

Anna M. said...

Do you remember Daniel Faraday from Lost talking about you just can't change the past, and even if you had the chance to go back, you'd still do exactly what you did, no changes. I think that's comforting. :)

And, also, I think we all do the best we can with what we know. Yeah, we all make shit decisions, but I always believe it's the best decision I could make, or another person could make, with the information they had at the time. And when you know better, you do better, so each decision a person makes is the best decision they've ever made, see? it's good stuff. :)

Good post!

The Mister said...

Done. Posted it.

Girl from Pennsylvania said...

I did a post like this a while ago when I was having a particularly rough time at work. I was curious about all those moments when my life could have pivoted in a completely different direction. I still wonder some times about some of the decisions I made!